


The Man In Green

by bitwise_encryption



Category: Luigi's Mansion (Video Games), Mario & Luigi RPG (Video Games), Mario Party (Video Games), Super Mario & Related Fandoms, Super Mario Bros. (Video Games), Super Paper Mario (Game)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Awkward Romance, Canon Dimensional Shenanigans, Canon-Typical Violence, Cross-dressing as a Disguise, F/M, Magic and Science, Paper Jam: What it Could Have Been, Tags Will Update as Story Does
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:54:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 40,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21629455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitwise_encryption/pseuds/bitwise_encryption
Summary: Luigi awakens in a world where nobody remembers who he is, including his beloved brother, Mario.  While at first it seems like it's just another blow dealt by the universe to its favorite punching bag, amid a desperate bid to prove to everyone he is who he says he is, Luigi discovers a strange book that was brought to their dimension and seems to be inexplicably tied to his fate.
Relationships: Mario/Peach Toadstool, Princess Daisy/Luigi
Comments: 91
Kudos: 293





	1. A Guest Amidst the Storm

It was a dark and stormy night, though few in the Mushroom Kingdom had the poor sense to be out in the weather to appreciate the melodrama. What had been merely a cloudy, dreary summer day had escalated into a tantrum of lightning and rolling thunder as the sun had left the sky to its own devices. The wind whipped great sheets of rain down in vain against the cozy, well lit houses of Toad Town; and indeed the demonstration of nature’s power would have been completely lost on its citizens were it not for an unfortunate plumber who had postponed patching the roof in favor of hero work too many times in a row.

Princess Peach did not have a malicious bone in her body, but even she was forced to hide a small smile when a panicked Mario had made a slightly undignified hasty exit from the castle at the first suggestive rumble in the air, earlier that evening. As she looked out into the starless night, she spared a little wish that his belongings remained safe from the storm.

Worst case scenario, she mused, he could always come live at the castle for awhile…

She shook her head with another tiny smile. That was a dream of convenience she too frequently entertained. Mario was as humble as they came, but even he had at least some small pride when it came to his living arrangements.

“Princess.” A muffled knock at the door to her personal chambers broke her from her thoughts.

“Come in.” She answered, turning to face the door. It creaked open swiftly to reveal a nervous toad attendant. As one extremely accustomed to the ‘unexpected’ happening every other Tuesday, Peach stiffened immediately, fighting her own rising sense of alarm.

“Is something the matter? You look uneasy.” She asked warmly, moving forward to comfort the Toad.

“I’m fine Princess, but uh, we thought you might want to join us in the throne room.”

“Oh?”

“We have… uh… a guest who wants to speak with you.” The Toad stammered.

“A little late for royal audiences, isn’t it?” Peach glanced towards the dark and tempestuous sky outside her balcony.

“Yes well… we didn’t exactly open the doors for her. She kind of just showed up. And she ordered us to get you immediately.”

“Ordered you?” Peach stopped short. “Security concerns of this castle aside, I don’t think you’re required to follow orders from anyone except me.”

“That’s just it Princess… she _IS_ you.”

Peach opened her mouth, then closed it again. Then she opened it and said.

“Lead the way.”

The castle was well lit, and the path to the throne room not excessively long from Peach’s tower. However the princess couldn’t help but feel a growing sense of apprehension, magnified by the thunder reverberating through the stone castle walls.

She made a mental note to order more banners and carpets to absorb the echo.

As they descended the final staircase into the main hall, Peach could hear a murmur of voices fall to a quiet hush as the telltale sound of her heels clicked smartly on the polished marble floor. The chamber opened out into a beautiful throne room with alternating pillars and standards lining either side. At the far end near the somewhat simple throne itself, three more toad guards and Princess Peach’s longsuffering steward, Toadsworth stood with another a cloaked figure. Peach could tell, even from this distance, Toadsworth’s worry rising to intolerable levels.

“Ah here she is now.” Peach heard her steward say, upon seeing them arrive. The hooded figure turned and Peach was surprised to see the newcomer was, well, for lack of a better term, dimensionless. Flat, like a piece of paper. Peach blinked, trying to banish the optical illusion from her eyes, but it remained before her. The figure took its hood down and Peach was greeted by the sight of familiar (if flatter) golden blonde hair and a pointed jeweled crown.

“Hello, I am... well I suppose I don’t need to introduce myself formally. It’s nice to finally meet you.” The other Peach said with a genuine smile.

“I… likewise.” Peach found herself tongue tied, as her brain tried to compute having a conversation with her own reflection.

“I can see you are very confused.” The other Peach realized quickly. “I was quite the same when I first learned of this place. I come from a separate, but nearly identical dimension, you see…”

“A separate dimension?” Peach queried, intrigued. The Mushroom Kingdom was well acquainted with the concept, as both dimensional science and magic were nothing new to its resident heroes. However the idea of a dimension that was the same but slightly different to the Mushroom Kingdom was yet unheard of.

“Yes. One that simply lacks an extra degree of width that you apparently have.” Paper Peach said with another small smile. 

“I see.” Peach said, not really sure if that was a compliment.

“Two Princesses! Each as fair and beautiful as the other!” Toadsworth declared. “Am I to understand that your world has identical doubles of all the residents of our fair Mushroom Kingdom? Another flatter Master Mario perhaps?” The other Peach turned to him at his question.

“Yes, our world has a Mario.” She assured him. “And a Toadsworth, though I have never had the pleasure of being on the other end of his hospitality quite so.” She continued warmly.

Toadsworth initially beamed at this, but then inevitably a concerned frown creased his features. Peach knew immediately what was coming next.

“Another Toadsworth you say… and pray, where is he now exactly? I should very much like to speak to him, sending you off all on your own like this… and in such a storm?!” The steward looked personally affronted at the idea that another version of himself could be capable of such monstrosity.

“I’m sure our guest’s version of Toadsworth is back in his own dimension.” Peach intervened swiftly. “By the time of this appearance, I would say this is hardly an official entourage.”

“Yes, unfortunately there was only room for one to be sent across at present, and it was determined that I, as a fellow ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom, should make the trip as an envoy.” Paper Peach echoed her sentiment immediately. “We knew this dimension was a reflection of our own in all the ways that mattered, and so he, uh, trusted that you would be here to watch out for me instead.”

“Hmph.” Toadsworth harrumphed. “Well if I was a flatter version of myself, I would not trust myself so far without personally knowing myself.”

“It was not so long ago that you yourself let me depart for the past under your own precise knowledge past you would be there to receive me.” Peach reminded him gently at length.

“And that turned out splendidly didn’t it?” Toadsworth scowled further, as if she had proved his point for him. Paper Peach looked curiously at the both of them at their words.

“You have… time travel in your world? What an exciting prospect!” Her eyes sparkled with interest, but the foreign princess abruptly halted her train of inquiry as she noticed her three dimensional counterpart slowly shaking her head in a universally understood ‘do not poke the bear’ gesture, slightly behind Toadsworth. “Perhaps our worlds are slightly different after all…” Paper Peach sidetracked quickly, and then appeared thoughtful for a moment. Suddenly, her face grew very serious.

“Tell me, Toadsworth here mentioned there is a Mario in your world. I assume he…” She started.

“Saves me every other Tuesday from Bowser? Yes that’s Mario.” Peach grinned wryly. The other Peach seemed to relax slightly at her words, but she still looked concerned.

“And what of his-” The other Peach’s follow-up inquiry was punctuated abruptly by an illuminating flash of lightning that lit the room, followed by a deafening crack of thunder, that converted them all to an intimidated silence.

As the thunder died to smaller rumbles, Toadsworth eventually picked up the pieces of the conversation with an ‘ _ahem_ ’.

“Far be it from me to interrupt your highness, but I daresay we shouldn’t stand around gossiping about the man, when you could simply meet him for yourself tomorrow.”

Paper Peach glanced towards her counterpart’s steward, and the attendants surrounding them. Though she wasn’t accustomed to reading emotion on her own face, Peach could tell her doppelganger was somewhat unsuccessfully employing the ‘try to remain composed in front of the retainers’ face. 

“It IS very late, and you have clearly come a long way. I suggest we retire to the royal quarters and see about introducing you properly to my world tomorrow.” Peach raised an eyebrow, hoping the other version of herself would catch on. She did.

“That sounds like exactly what I need.” Paper Peach agreed immediately.

“Toadsworth, can you prepare the guest quarters for our visiting Princess Peach? Please come knock on my quarters when it is ready.” Peach bid him swiftly. As she spoke the words, she became self-conscious of how strange they sounded. However Toadsworth nodded his approval and turned in turn to address the nearby attendants.

“Don’t worry Princess, the room shall be prepared immediately, and we’ll inform you of it, post-haste.” He assured her over his shoulder.

“Thank you all so much.” Peach replied gratefully, before turning to herself. “Now if you would follow me…We can relax and chat in my private quarters until your room is prepared.” The other Peach nodded and the two took off.

As they climbed the stairs back up to her room, the rain-burdened wind howled mournfully outside, causing Peach to shiver despite the relative warmth of the castle. Had she been entertaining any other diplomat, Peach would’ve made polite conversation. However she got the sense that the other her was trying to gather her thoughts. They arrived at her chamber shortly, and Peach held the door open for her guest.

“I believe I have some tea prepared, though it may be a little lukewarm by now.” Peach told the other her as she moved in and shut the door behind her.

“That would be lovely.” Paper Peach agreed, and moved to the small sitting area while Peach busied herself pouring the drinks. She eventually brought two cups over, and offered the warmer of the two, which the other Princess accepted with thanks. Peach then sat down opposite her and looked expectantly. Paper Peach took a long drink, and then spoke.

“I’m afraid I did not come here to sightsee or get to know myself.” She confessed at length. “I came because of a threat to our world that I’m hoping you might be able to assist me with.”

“I would… love to help in any way that I can.” Peach said slowly. “But as I didn’t know anything about your dimension up until about fifteen minutes ago, I’m not sure…”

“Oh what I wish to ask of you is relatively trivial... At least I hope it is.” Paper Peach swiftly clarified. She put her teacup down, and reached into her cloak before producing a rather large black book. She set it on the table.

“In my world,” she began slowly, “our Mario recently concluded another fantastical adventure where he saved not just our world, but many other worlds connected to it. Other dimensions.”

“That sounds a lot like my… I mean to say, _our_ Mario as well.” Peach nodded with a smile and a blush at the Freudian slip.

“I’m glad to hear it. I would say he’s one of a kind, but it somehow gives me greater comfort that there are more of him out there.” The other Peach returned the smile. “In any event, I don’t wish to distract you with the details right now, but it was quite an adventure where we went to great lengths to stop the destruction of many worlds at the hands of a… troubled soul.”

“Bowser?” Peach inquired, figuring she might as well skip to the default suspect.

“No, actually this time Bowser assisted us in stopping the threat. The efforts to destroy the worlds were led by a man who called himself Count Bleck… though his true name was Blumiere.” Paper Peach replied sadly. “And this,” she nudged the black book, “was his greatest weapon.”

Peach took a closer look at the book. It was black, with a red and violet trim. In the center of the cover there was a large perfectly spherical deep blue gemstone, that almost reminded Peach of a crystal ball as she stared into its depths.

She reached out a gloved hand to pick it up, but was stopped by another similar hand.

“I would advise strongly against the temptation to read it.” Paper Peach cautioned her.

“What is it?” Peach asked, withdrawing her hand.

“They told us it’s called ‘The Dark Prognosticus’ and that no one knows who authored it. However, the book appears to accurately tell of future events, and possesses secrets of very dark and ancient magic that it has granted to its owners across time, to their own eventual demise.”

“I suppose this book, among other things, gave ‘Blumiere’ the recipe to destroy worlds?” Princess Peach asked, catching on. The other Peach nodded grimly.

“I… haven’t read the book myself.” She acknowledged slowly. “But I’m afraid Bleck forced me to play an unwilling role in the creation of what he called ‘the Void’ – a hole in the fabric of reality, prophesied by this book to annihilate all dimensions as it grows to overshadow all of existence.”

Paper Peach’s voice, already soft, dropped to almost a whisper as her eyes lost focus. 

“It…started off small, a spot on the horizon, no bigger than a star, and then maybe the size of the moon… but it grew to fill the entire sky, eclipsing… no, _consuming_ all sources of light and shrouding everything in clattering, tempest of darkness before… nothingness.”

Peach had had her own fair share of brushes with mortal peril – every other Tuesday in fact. But she could not recall anything in her own experiences that made her feel quite so… cold. There was fear… a very real, quiet horror, on the face of her two dimensional counterpart, and an expression of harrowing grief. After a few seconds however, the other Peach realized she had drifted off to thoughts unknown, and refocused, coughing politely.

“Since your world doesn’t appear to have suffered the effects of the cataclysmic void Count Bleck unleashed that was consuming all of our neighboring dimensions up until a week ago,” Paper Peach paused, looking inquisitively at Peach, who nodded in confirmation, “It is my hope that the book’s prophetic magic regarding the end of the worlds has no power here.”

“The need to keep such a thing safe is evident, but…” Peach mused aloud, looking at the book once more. “If Mario succeeded in saving the worlds from Count Bleck as you mentioned earlier, is it possible that perhaps the prophecy the book contained simply wasn’t true?”

“It’s true we defeated Blumiere…” Paper Peach agreed slowly, “But the problem is that in the end we learned the prophecy wasn’t really about _him_ being the one to end all worlds…”

Paper Peach’s voice trembled at these last few words, and Peach glanced up from the book and was shocked to see a couple silent tears trailing down her face. Something cold and disquieting settled inside her, the feeling that only comes when you know you are about to be told something you do not want to hear.

“The prophecy is about Luigi.”

Princess Peach blinked twice, certain she had misheard something. But the utter solemnity on the other’s face said otherwise; so as gently as she could, she leaned forward to ask:

“I’m sorry, but, … who is Luigi?”


	2. The Return from Nowhere

The slow return to consciousness was akin to being dragged through mud while simultaneously being electrocuted. He was intimately familiar with both sensations, so he felt aptly qualified to ascribe them to his current state of being; a tingling sort of pain which his mind was too befuddled to properly categorize as danger. Until suddenly it could, and did.

Luigi jolted away from the last few shreds of unconsciousness clinging to him, and tried to yelp in fear, only to find his mouth wasn’t working properly on account it wasn’t… quite there. This obviously only made him panic further.

“Easy there, sonny. Just hang on. I’ve got you.” A familiar voice reached his ears. So at least he had those intact. Though the words were reassuring, Luigi’s knowledge of who the voice belonged to did not reassure him at all. In fact it did the opposite; give him a likely source for this immediately concerning predicament.

“Pro-zght-fessor?” Luigi heard his own alarmed voice crackle with static into existence.

“That’s it! Locking onto your signal now!”

The sensation he was feeling changed once more, into more of a numb tingling he associated with pixelation. He would like to say he had gotten used to it over the years since E. Gadd had invented the technology and decided to test it almost exclusively on him, but it was hard to get used the feeling of your body being pieced back together bit by bit.

_Just relax. It works best on a still target._ He reminded himself of the professor’s words, whenever he had originally said them.

Soon he was aware of his own weight and physicality, as gravity began to apply to him again. He tried unsuccessfully to balance on his feet as he landed, but he found himself more than a little dizzy after the experience. So instead of any semblance of grace, per usual, he promptly stumbled, slamming into… a glass wall?

Luigi stabilized himself with one glove against the glass and another on his aching head. Finally he was able to crack an eye open and take a look at his surroundings.

He was in some sort of… tank. There were wires connected to just about every inch of the northern and southern outer edge of the cylindrical apparatus, as well as several larger, very threatening looking dish antennae all aimed in his direction. Opposite him, beyond the glass, was an all too familiar looking laboratory, complete with an ungodly amount of screens, a tall idly spinning roller chair, and one Professor Elvin Gadd, who was now standing and looking at him, in what Luigi would have to describe as… shock?

They stared at each other for a moment. Then Luigi closed his one good eye and rested his head against the glass.

“ _Che diavolo_ , Professor… this has to stop…” Luigi groaned at length, suddenly feeling exhausted.

“I am… fairly confident the worst is over.” Came the tentative reply.

“That’s what you always say.” The green plumber replied with a sigh.

“So you know who I am then?” E. Gadd inquired curiously.

“What? It was that bad this time?!” Luigi snapped his head up to look at the man. E. Gadd visibly jumped back. The Professor’s nervousness was infectious.

“What’s wrong? Have I grown a second head or something?” Luigi regained his standing on his own two feet so both of his hands could go to work checking the rest of his anatomy for anomalies.

“No… no! You appear perfectly normal!” E. Gadd assured him, before turning back to a screen that looked to have vitals scrolling on it.

“Ok so, what’s the deal? Are you going to tell me why I’m here? Or maybe let me out first…?” Luigi tapped a hand nervously against his arm. The tingling in all his extremities had worn off and was swiftly becoming replaced by his normal nerves, amped up as always in the presence of paranormal science.

Gadd looked at him thoughtfully, which was not exactly what Luigi wanted to see stalling his release from his effectual glass prison. “What do you last remember?” The professor questioned.

“I don’t know… I was…” Luigi tried to recall, and found it was very difficult to concentrate on where he had exactly been last. The memory escaped as if he was trying to grasp fog. “Probably doing something dangerous with my brother.” He settled on at last. As that was 90% of any given day, he figured it was a safe bet.

“Mmmhmm. You don’t remember, do you?” E. Gadd called his bluff.

“Fine. I don’t. Care to enlighten me?”

“I wish I could.” The scientist said quietly, which stopped Luigi short.

“What do you mean by that?”

The professor looked at him for a long moment, then turned to a keyboard and pressed a button. The glass panel in front of Luigi hissed with a decompressing sound, then slowly rose out of his way. Luigi took a wobbly step forward, followed by another, before stumbling the rest of the way out of the tank, down to the solid cement laboratory floor. To his surprise, E. Gadd walked over to his own chair and lowered it, before bringing it to Luigi and gesturing for him to sit.

Luigi’s anxiety reached a new high.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen to Mario?” Was his first immediate question, as E. Gadd turned on his coffee maker.

“Mario? The Champion of the Mushroom Kingdom?” E. Gadd asked, almost sounding confused.

“Yes, of course that Mario! What other Mario would I be asking about?” Luigi asked, irate. His teeth chattered, and he ironically realized it had been warmer in the tank than the intentionally cold tech lab.

“Last I heard he was doing perfectly fine. Rescued the princess or some such recently, which is business as usual for him, so I’m to understand. I don’t follow the news that closely, unless it’s scientific in nature.”

Luigi relaxed. Then raised an eyebrow.

“So I guess you probably DIDN’T let him know you have me with you then?”

“Why would I…?”

“Professor we have been OVER this. You may live all by yourself out here, but SOME of us still have families that need to be informed when we go missing for days on end!” Luigi cried exasperatedly. “Exactly how long have I been here?!” Gadd glanced at the clock.

“…22 minutes?”

Luigi breathed in and out threw his nose slowly, trying to stay calm.

“And where did you pixelate me from?”

Gadd didn’t reply immediately. After rummaging in a cabinet below the computer screens, he produced a scratchy flannel blanket Luigi both recognized and hated, and then grabbed the now-prepared steaming mug of coffee. The scientist brought both objects over to Luigi, who accepted them tentatively. Luigi noticed the mug, green, had an L and a question mark scratched into its surface, as if with a penknife.

“This is going to be difficult to hear, because you… aren’t very disoriented at all it seems.” E. Gadd began awkwardly. “But I pulled you from nowhere.”

“Nowhere? Where is nowhere?” Luigi asked, raising an eyebrow and blowing on the coffee.

“It’s what it sounds like. You didn’t exist at all until 22… 23 minutes ago.”

Luigi almost dropped the mug entirely, and did not succeed in preventing a generous portion from staining his overalls.

“What?!” His voice raised a couple octaves, in pain from the burning beverage and horror from the words his brain was trying to process. “You’re saying I died and you brought me back?!”

“No, no.” E. Gadd shook his head fervently. “You didn’t exist! A year ago I would’ve said you never had but… well, here we are now.”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN HERE WE ARE NOW?!”

“Calm down, and let me try to explain.” The professor hushed him, unfolding the blanket and draping it over his shoulders, making Luigi immediately feel itchy. Still, the heavy warmth did settle his racing heart… a bit. Shaking, he tried taking a sip of the coffee, and consequently burned his tongue as well.

“When I invented time travel, I postulated several theories about the nature in which the timeline could be affected by… tampering with it.” E. Gadd began. “Ultimately based on experimental results from the… incident with an alien race in the past… I concluded that time naturally follows a loop pattern. That is to say, both the past and the present are largely set in stone. Trying to alter it in any respect will simply result in the outcomes remaining the same but coming about through different means. After all, your present has to occur the same in order for you to go back to the past in the first place. You can’t violate the law of causality.” The short scientist paced over to a nearby blackboard and began drawing a facsimile of what he was describing. Luigi had of course, already lost him when he had used the word ‘postulated’ which his brain had latched onto and refused to move forward, trying to remember if it meant what he thought it did.

“However… it always nagged me, that since time travel was indeed possible, it could also be possible that someone DID alter the timestream, and I just was unable to remember…” E. Gadd tapped his chin thoughtfully. “So I built a black box and set it to cyclically vibrate in and out of the paranormal dimension, in the hopes that any timeline alteration in this dimension would not completely affect the contents of the box. Spirits with a strong connection to that dimension have been known to see all possible timeline outcomes.” E. Gadd raised the box, an unimpressive black metallic thing, up for the plumber to see.

“Of course. Why didn’t I think of that?” Luigi intoned dully.

“Honestly it was kind of a spitball idea. It only shows up in this dimension every other 26th of the month.” E. Gadd scratched his head. “But when it did show up, hmmm, about a month ago, the contents of my notebook I stored in it were drastically different. They were full of the rantings of a madman, all written in my own handwriting! Things that never happened, a million half finished projects, a wondrous gelatinous creation, all discoveries and achievements tied to the existence of a man who simply didn’t exist.” The professor stopped and pointedly looked at Luigi.

“What, you mean me? But I exist!” Luigi protested. “You know me!”

“Not before 25 minutes ago!” E. Gadd said excitedly.

“Professor we’ve known each other for years now. I’ve caught more ghosts than I can count for you… I helped you test inventions… You used my DNA to make Gooigi… I even entertained the idea we might be friends…” Luigi pleaded in vain.

“These are all the things I’m talking about! You remember them, but I do not!” E. Gadd proclaimed triumphantly, pulling out a heavily annotated notebook from the black box, and flipping through it enthusiastically. “You must be from an unedited version of our timeline, before you were somehow erased from existence and the rest of us forgot you entirely.”

Luigi paled.

“I was… erased from existence?” The words felt like ash in his mouth.

“That sure seems to be the case.” E. Gadd confirmed. “The only reason I pulled you from, well, non-existence, was you were important enough to some past version of me that I stored an encoding of your pixelation bio-signature here in this book.” He tapped a page full of gibberish that presumably meant something to one of E. Gadd’s machines. “So on a whim I set the scanners to look for it, and I kept getting false positives all over the place… like… background radiation almost. After a couple months of collecting data, I felt confident I did in fact have the entire signature, so I went ahead and tried to pixelate you here. And now here we are.”

“But… you don’t remember me? You don’t know who I am?” Luigi asked, almost desperately.

“Well according to this, your name is Luigi and you… you seemed to be a good friend of mine. That was enough for me to at least try to find you.” The professor tilted his head, and looked up from the notebook.

Luigi’s head was reeling. Erased from existence? How was that even possible? Probably some ridiculous magic stunt pulled by King Boo… or Kamek or… who even knows at this point. Mario would be pissed at them when he found out, that’s for sure.

“Wait a minute, what about my brother?! You said Mario was fine!” Luigi immediately rounded on the professor.

“THE Mario is your brother?” E. Gadd looked surprised, and tried to glance down at his book as if that particular note should have been there.

“We’re literally the MARIO BROTHERS!” Luigi nearly yelled at him.

“… As far as I know, Mario has always been a solo act?” E. Gadd said shrugging. 

“Don’t make me laugh! Mario can’t boil water without burning it, or do laundry, or lock his own front door!” Luigi voice was edging on hysteria as he nearly threw the coffee mug down. “He wouldn’t make it through a week without me!” He got to his feet and marched over to the remarkably old fashioned phone and dialed their home. He was greeted with nothing but static.

“There’s been quite an awful storm tonight – it’s likely the power is out in Toad Town.” E. Gadd informed him hesitantly. Luigi glared at him, before pressing the hook switch on the receiver with his other hand, and then trying another number.

_Rinnnnngggggg… Riinnnnnnngg… Riiinnn-_ there was a click as the line connected, and then sounds of indiscriminate shuffling on the other side, before a very sleepy and slightly irritated-

“…hello?” Princess Daisy of Sarasaland was not the kind of person to be woken up lightly. Or maybe at all. Luigi knew that better than most, but he swallowed the perpetual slight fear of the significant woman in his life and tried to speak gently.

“Hiya Daisy, it’s-a-me. I’m calling from the lab phone because…”

“Who is this?”

“Me! It’s Weegi!”

“Who? How did you get this number? And why the hell are you calling at… 2:56 AM?!” Daisy’s voice was getting louder and angrier by the minute as she woke up fully.

“I-I… you gave…” Luigi stammered, turning pale. “You know what? This is probably just a bad dream. I’ll make it up to you later! Ciao!” He hung up to the sound of angry yelling through the tinny speaker. The man in green turned to E. Gadd, a frightened look in his eyes.

“I’m sorry. This must be quite a shock for you.” The professor apologized sadly.

“No, no, no… she’s always out of it when she first wakes up. That doesn’t prove anything!” Luigi shook his head, refusing to accept defeat. With an almost dazed expression, the man in green made for the door. “This has to be some sort of joke… I know you like to laugh at my expense professor, but I didn’t really think you would to go to these lengths…”

“I am not trying to pull anything over on you!” E. Gadd protested, moving to intercept Luigi. “I am telling you the truth. No one here remembers you!”

Luigi trudged past him to the end of the lab, and punched in the code before wrenching open the door. The sound of the top hatch unlocking echoed down the ladder. He turned back to the professor.

“How do you explain that then?” He asked accusatorily, “I changed these passcodes just last week because you never remember to!”

“I… I’m not sure how they got changed.” The scientist admitted, his voice faltering, as if suddenly he doubted his own memories. Luigi made a dissatisfied noise then turned and put a foot on the ladder.

“Where are you going?” E. Gadd asked, concerned.

“I’m going to go find my brother!” Luigi said, throwing the blanket towards the scientist. “If you want to keep researching whatever it is you currently are that made you wipe out half your brain, that’s YOUR prerogative. You can call me when you remember my number!” And with that he slammed the door behind him, and began to ascend into a damp pre-dawn morning.


	3. Oh Brother Where Art Thou

Mario stared forlornly at the roof patch job, a sadly insufficient piece of tarp adorned with apparently not enough duct tape. Despite the fact it was a ‘roof’ patch job, it was now on the floor floating in approximately two inches of water. The carpet, the floorboards, and more than one piece of furniture, were all now water-stained casualties of the storm; a stunningly impressive victory for mother nature against everyone’s favorite plumber. A glance across the rest of the room told the story of Mario’s admission of defeat fairly early into the turbulent night – anything he could, he had piled on high furniture out of reach of the rising water. Now the red-clad hero sat in partial defeat on top of the spare bed. For unknown reasons that had made sense to him in his hurried moments of panic, the spare bed was, well, spared from use as a surface for rainwater refugees, which was more than could be said of his own bed now covered in ski equipment and the excessively large key to Beanbean Castle Town.

Mario sank back onto the bed with a sigh, and looked up through the pizza sized hole in the roof, now previewing a dawn sky with the last few rain clouds escaping the scene of the crime. There would be a million things to do in the wake of the storm, he should get started on the personal ones before his duty to the Mushroom Kingdom knocked on his door. But damn this bed was so comfortable. If he could just rest his eyes for a few minutes…

**_Bang Bang Bang!_**

“Mario! Are you in there? I bring an urgent summons from the princess!”

Mario’s eyes snapped open to a much brighter sky through his new skylight. He clearly had drifted off for an hour, maybe two at most. 

Yawning he hopped off the bed and cracked his back stiffly, before trying to wipe the sleep from his eyes enough to answer the continued banging at the door.

“Mario! It’s urgent!- Whoa.” The toad stopped abruptly when the door swung inward and a small creek bubbled forth from the plumber’s house and began to cascade down the porch steps. “At least the sealant on your floors appears to be working well.” The toad commented. 

“You mentioned a summons?” Mario looked at him, waiting for him to continue.

“Right-the summons! Princess Peach Toadstool, Fair Princess Pure of Heart of the Mushroom Kingdom requests that you, Mario, Hero of aforementioned Mushroom Kingdom, attend her immediately at the castle at your earliest convenience!” the Toad announced proudly. Mario raised an eyebrow.

“That’s it? Just to attend her? No details?” He asked.

“Uh… nope that’s the entire message.” Toad pulled a sticky note from out of his pocket and reviewed it. “I did hear on the way over here that there’s a visiting dignitary that stayed overnight at the castle, so maybe that’s it? Either way I guess it was important enough to send me and not a letter though. So you probably should go-at your earliest convenience.”

Mario glanced backwards into the small pond that was his house.

“How would you define convenience exactly?”

“…after you take a shower and get cleaned up, at least. You look rough man.” The toad admitted. Mario’s expression shifted to mildly miffed.

“The power’s out, probably all over Toad Town from the storm last night. I have no hot water.” The plumber told him, looking perhaps for some form of sympathy that was simply not there. The toad merely blinked at him, causing Mario to rub his face again with a gloved hand tiredly. “I’ll be ready in 10 minutes.” He sighed and turned back into the house.

“Great!” Toad clapped his hands, happy to hear the only answer he was willing to deliver. “I’ll go let them know you’ll be right along.” And he tottered off down the lane without another word.

One icy shower later, Mario splashed barefoot through the house and back to the front porch. He was sure he cut an impressively dignified figure, overall pantlegs rolled up, boots and socks in hand, and his familiar cap clenched between his teeth. As he closed the door behind him, he realized that the porch, though it lacked the standing water of the house, was still equally soaked, which ruled out sitting down to tie his shoes.

It was times like these Mario wished his social circle didn’t consist largely of royalty.

The hero of the Mushroom Kingdom considered himself to be quite dexterous and a natural athlete, but there was simply no graceful way to put your shoes on while standing up; luckily he had relatively no neighbors out here, so only the trees were witness to his wobbly shoe tying act. After he had donned his heavy work boots and rolled the overall pant legs back down over his socks, he grabbed his hat and set off down the crunchy muddy road that would take him to Toad Town, hoping the morning summer sun would dry his hair a bit more before he reached the castle.

“Hey, if the Princess wanted a stately hero, she could’ve recruited someone else a long time ago.” He assured himself as he trekked along.

It was always a gamble with visiting royals. Sometimes they were insufferably stuffy. Other times they were polite up until they assaulted the princess. Mario’s resumé as one of the world’s most renowned heroes cut him a lot of slack in the political world, but not everyone appreciated his… rustic authentic charm as much as the Mushroom Kingdom’s Princess. In the end, he found that being quiet and polite when addressed got him the best results for Princess Peach’s sake. Still, it didn’t stop him from being apprehensive. If only there was someone else regularly coming to these things in overalls.

“With any luck, it will just be Princess Daisy.” Mario muttered as he approached the castle gates and waved to the toad guards manning them. The Sarasaland princess was by far his favorite foreign dignitary, as she easily hated all forms of pomp and circumstance more than the plumber and was in general unabashedly casual.

The gate swung open and Mario strolled up to the castle door, carding a last minute hand through his slightly damp hair before smothering it firmly with his hat. It would look awful later, but one of the perks of living alone was no one was ever around to nitpick his appearance. Or his eating habits. Or his ability to lock the front door.

“The front door!” Mario realized unhappily, as he placed a gloved hand on the door to the castle. He bit his lip, concerned. As opposed to being 90% sure he had locked it, he was rather 93% sure he hadn’t… but it would only be a couple hours at most before he’d be back. And the Mushroom Kingdom was RELATIVELY crime free…

He was sure it would be fine.

~~~

“Absolutely typical.” Luigi grumbled, opening the door of their house on the first try, without needing to go for the spare key taped to the underside of the porch banister. This was immediately followed by a startled ‘eurgh’ as rainwater flowed swiftly around his shoes. 

“Mario?” Luigi’s tentative voiced echoed through the watery house as he peeked around the door. The lights were off, but by the looks of it, so was the power in general. Still, with the small amount of sunlight streaming in through a noticeable hole in the roof, Luigi was thoroughly depressed by what he saw.

Stacks upon stacks of their things were hoisted up on furniture, counters, any surface available in order to avoid the flood. Books, sports equipment, photographs, various electronics, and a few choice memorabilia… Luigi would never have believed how much stuff they had lying around on the floor – or at least near the floor - until it had apparently become imperative that it needed to NOT be there. 

“I told you we should’ve patched that hole ages ago…” Luigi distractedly told his brother, who was clearly not present. Another thought occurred to him, and he brought a glove to his mouth and gave a sharp whistle.

“Polterpup! Come out! It’s-a-me!” He called out for his dog, but was greeted with a dripping silence. Though the dog had very little needs in the way of pet care – to the point of practically none – it was uncharacteristic of the ghostly canine to remain separated from his owner for long, especially when he was called for.

“I wouldn’t have left him at the mansion…” Luigi scratched his head, brow furrowed. He used the term mansion loosely as more of a joke, as it was a fairly modest house he had built with some of the remainder of his fortune from that particular adventure, after remodeling the mansion proper itself and promptly selling it as prime real estate. If only he could remember what he had been doing before last night. Maybe he HAD been out at his Boo Woods house. He usually stayed there whenever he was working on an extended project with the professor.

His absence in THIS house would certainly explain how it had gotten to this state last night. Disgruntled, the green clad brother sloshed over to the broom closet and pulled out their one good – well, previously good, now soggy – broom and went to work forcing the majority of the water out of their home. Then he opened the windows as far as they would go to air out the place, before lastly pulling up the rug and draping it on the banister outside to dry. Dusting his hands off and feeling satisfied with himself, Luigi suddenly remembered why he had come here. During his small attempts to put the house back to its normal state, he had noticed the shower recently used, and a pile of dirty clothes soaking on the floor of the bathroom that smelled rather strongly of Mario.

“If he left the house in this state, he must have been called to the Castle.” The green plumber surmised without much effort.

After ensuring nothing in the house was in immediate danger, and the rest was drying nicely, Luigi jumped on the roof and replaced the tarp with an additional layer, this time using a staple gun. Having finished that, he returned the equipment, locked the front door, and took off towards the castle, feeling a little bit better already.

In the bright morning sunshine walking along a familiar trouble-free road, the rampant fears of last night, or rather, this morning, seemed a distant care. Surely E. Gadd could not be correct. When Luigi found Mario, everything would be straightened out. He would have to apologize perhaps, for disorienting Daisy in the middle of the night, but he knew more than one way to make her come around quickly. He would be back in her good graces in no time.

Everything would be just fine-…

“Hey check out Green Mario over here!” came a half shout off to his left. He glanced towards the source of the jibe and was unsurprised to see a gaggle of familiar toads, idling on the outskirts of Toad Town.

“Right, like I’ve never heard THAT before.” Luigi replied sarcastically. “Shouldn’t you guys be… I dunno, repairing things after the storm?”

A blue toad shrugged. “Not much to repair. The power went out, but that came back up this morning. The rest is just roofer stuff. But it hardly seems like time to work when there’s another royal in town. The princess will probably announce a national celebration any second now.”

“I’m hoping for a football tournament.” A yellow Toad said excitedly.

“Don’t be ridiculous, those are for settling political disputes nonviolently.” The third toad corrected him.

“They seem pretty violent to me…”

“Sorry, another royal?” Luigi inquired, attempting to backtrack the conversation.

“Yeah word came down from the castle from some of the servants earlier this morning. She arrived late last night via… unconventional means.” The first blue toad informed him, waggling his fingers exotically.

“I heard she was from another DIMENSION.”

“Yeah well I heard she was from outer SPACE.”

Luigi mentally catalogued all the princesses he knew off the top of his head and the unfortunate truth was at least five fit one or both of those categories.

“Hey Green, you look out of sorts… are you maybe the new royal’s Mario? From an alternate reality?” The blue toad’s probe shook Luigi from his thoughts.

“You’re hilarious.” He told the toad, and moved past him into town. “But if you ask the Sarasaland princess, I’m sure she’ll tell you I’m better than Mario in every way that counts. Taller twin, remember?” He winked and departed, leaving three confused toads behind.

Luigi crossed through town and found it to be a bit more… staring than usual. But he supposed it was probably because he was late for whatever it was Mario was attending. He waved to the castle gate guard and promptly collided with the gate itself when it didn’t open on cue.

“What the-” Luigi rubbed his nose painfully, and looked crossly at the gate guard who was watching him. “Are you going to open this?”

“Maybe. What business do you have in the castle?”

“I don’t know? I’ll find out when I get there?” Luigi shrugged. “You know how the princess is.”

“So you were requested?”

“Sure, let’s go with that.”

The guard frowned. Luigi groaned.

“Come on Frank, can we not play this game today? I’m trying to catch up with my brother.” The green plumber almost begged him.

“Your brother?”

“Uh, yeah. Mario came through here not too long ago, right?”

The toad’s eyes widened.

“Yes! He did. I didn’t realize he was bringing anyone with him. I guess that makes sense though, considering your outfit…”

“What do you mean, my outfit? I wear this every day!” Luigi said crossly. “And I’ll have you know, I wore it before Mario. He used to wear these awful red overalls...”

The guard’s expression sank into one of thorough disinterest, but he did proceed to pull the lever to open the gate. Luigi dodged the swinging gate and thanked him, before heading through.

“Don’t mention it green Mario.” The toad said as he left, making Luigi clench his teeth.

~~~

Mario couldn’t believe his eyes.

_Two_ Princess Peaches.

This had to be a dream. A slightly concerning dream, but not THAT harmful right? Nothing… bad was happening… yet.

“Mario… you look so shocked.” His own three dimensional Peach giggled at his stupefied expression.

“I-I… I just didn’t get a lot of sleep last night and wasn’t really expecting to have to use my brain today.” He admitted. Both Peaches tittered at this, making the heat rise in his cheeks. Mario coughed awkwardly, before stepping forward and offering a hand to the new Peach. She held out a dainty, if flat, gloved hand in return, which he took.

“It is a great pleasure to make your acquaintance. You are every bit as lovely as the visage that compels me to 256 rescue attempts.” Mario declared. It was maybe a bit too romantic for a first impression, but he considered the circumstances extenuating. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you as well.” The new Peach blushed slightly, but clearly was not put off by his overtures.

“Princess Peach here is from another dimension.” The Peach Mario was used to enlightened him. “A flatter one, in some respects, apparently.”

“What brought you to visit us?” Mario asked, curious. The other Peach’s expression dropped abruptly to something more serious.

“I came to ask a favor.” She replied.

“One that we happily can assist her with.” Peach affirmed.

“Oh? What sort of favor?” Mario remember he had been specifically requested, and realized this was likely the source.

“Nothing that requires your field skills I’m afraid.” Peach tapped him lightly on the arm, surprising him. “She brought us a MacGuffin to protect. It is already in the vault the dark star previously occupied, just to be safe.”

“What is it? Is it dangerous?” Mario looked from one Peach to the other.

“I’m… not sure to be honest.” Paper Peach replied. “In our dimension it was extremely dangerous compendium of future information – and all sorts of dark magic. Here though…”

“In our world some of the people that are required for the book’s dark cataclysmic prophecies simply don’t exist.” Princess Peach the three dimensional said with a warm smile, clearly less concerned than her counterpart.

“Well that does sound helpful for preventing ‘cataclysmic prophecies’.” Mario acknowledged. He couldn’t help but notice the new Peach was regarding him with an almost sad expression on her face. “Is there anything else we should know about this… book you said it was?”

“Only that anyone who has ever read it has gone mad and had their lives crumble to ash around them.” Paper Peach said darkly.

“Never was much of a reader anyway.” Mario affirmed with a winning smile. The flat princess gave him a weak smile in return, but still looked unhappy. Mario glanced to his own Peach, who gave him a knowing look before gesturing to the door. At first Mario thought she might be telling him to get lost, but then he realized she was prompting him to play a more active host for their guest.

“Princess,” Mario began, causing Paper Peach to refocus on him, “would you care to see the rest of our Mushroom Kingdom? I would be delighted to show you around. I know there are many people who would be very interested to meet you and hear of your dimension as well.”

“I… would love to, Mario, but,” Paper Peach looked genuinely regretful, “I’m afraid I must return to my own dimension and see to the recovery of my own people. The retrieval of the Dark Prognosticus, err, the MacGuffin that you are now protecting, came at the end of a rather chaotic adventure that forced my Mario to face a high cost. I... think he needs me right now to be there to support him.” She said softly.

Mario blinked. A high cost?

“I only stayed as long as I have because Princess Peach insisted I had to meet you.” Paper Peach continued, explaining. “I am glad I did though. It’s good to know you two have each other for support, especially without… well, it doesn’t matter.” She said absentmindedly.

“I’m glad you came, and glad that we could help.” Peach moved forward to embrace her flat counterpart. 

“Indeed. You have my eternal gratitude. I hope once things return to normal for us, perhaps I could bring a full group to visit.” Paper Peach said warmly.

“We will look forward to it.” Peach said graciously.

“Well then, I suppose this is farewell. Take care Mario… Take care, me.” Paper Peach gave Mario a final smile, before producing what looked like some kind of wand. She raised both her arms, along with the wand. Out of nowhere, a black lined box started drawing itself around her. It finished, and suddenly she flipped horizontally completely out of sight, and, presumably out of their dimension entirely. Mario was left alone in the quiet hall with the one Peach.

“I’d rate her a strong 11 out of 10 on the dignitary scale.” Mario said eventually, drawing a punch in the arm from Peach.

“What? She hit all the marks flawlessly. Polite. Beautiful. No kidnapping attempts. Easily accomplished request. And most of all, a record short visit!” Mario ticked off the categories on his gloved fingers.

“You’re incorrigible.” She laughed, and he grinned in response.

“The toads will be disappointed though.” Mario realized, drawing a curious look from Peach. He shrugged nonchalantly. “Word travels fast. They were expecting festivity of some sort when they heard a visiting royal was in town. Nothing too flashy, but perhaps a small sports tournament. A… Mario Party maybe?” He looked at her with a suggestive smile. She rolled her eyes.

“It’s Monday.”

“And?”

“Tomorrow is Tuesday, and we haven’t heard from Bowser in at least two weeks. You may not have much to do until he does the deed, but _I_ have to make sure things will still run smoothly in my absence.”

“If you get the invitations out this afternoon, maybe he’ll cancel the raid. He has a weak spot for entertaining the idea he’ll beat me in front of crowds of adoring fans.”

Peach considered this.

“Fine. You can throw a party.” She conceded, to Mario’s immediate small air punch. “But go easy on the minigames, alright? My elbow is still thrown out from tennis a couple weeks ago.”

“Anything for you and your bad form pinpoint serve, dear.” Mario leaned forward to give her a peck on the cheek before escaping her swat at his comment.

“Next time you can send your OWN invitations and host it at your OWN castle.” She threatened as he cackled and sauntered for the door.

Today may have started off rough, but things were looking up, Mario considered as he pulled the door open and stepped out into the sunlight. He had enjoyed his time with the other Princess Peach, and found it compelling to think of her in her curious world with another flatter Mario. It was like the universe was silently confirming they belonged together. His stomach complained loudly that he had skipped breakfast for the new acquaintance though, and he resolved to get something to eat in town before heading back to deal with the house. Even as he began to think of his intended approaches to chore, he found the issue wasn’t enough to dampen his spirits, pun intended. With any luck, he would finish drying the place out and catch a couple more hours of sleep before the party this evening where he _WOULD_ have his revenge on Princess Daisy-

Mario’s train of thought was brought to an abrupt halt as he collided with someone forcefully, causing the both of them to fall to the ground.

“ _Mamma Mia…_ ” came an exasperated voice that he was surprised to realize was not his own. He shook off the dizziness from the collision and looked up to see a dazed man opposite him who appeared… like a funhouse reflection of himself. In _GREEN._

“I-” For the second time today Mario was at a loss for words. But at least he recovered quicker this time, with a genuine stranger present. He hopped up, and offered a hand to the stranger. “I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there.”

The stranger shook his head and looked up. Mario could visibly see the relief and joy course across the stranger’s face, so much so there were… tears in his eyes? The man grabbed his hand and pulled himself up… and promptly into a bone-crushing hug for Mario.

“Mario!” the stranger cried in a hysteric voice. “You would not BELIEVE the day I’ve had!”

“Well that makes two of us…” Mario gasped, only slightly strangled.

“Oh no, you’re not going to top me on this one. I literally woke up in a tank in a lab and was told I didn’t exist.” The stranger pulled back and searched Mario’s face for a laugh. Mario unfortunately was too confused by the encounter to offer more than an awkward smile, as he gingerly removed the man’s hands from his shoulders.

“And then I saw what happened to the house-” The man continued, blissfully unaware. Mario stopped him short there though.

“The house? You were at _MY_ house?” He asked, frowning.

“Yes of course! I was there looking for you!” The stranger said exasperatedly. “Don’t worry, I got rid of most of the water and started drying out the rug-”

Mario pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to figure out the best way to handle this.

“Look that’s… that was very kind of you. But I’m afraid I do have some things I like to keep private, and my house is unfortunately one of them…”

The stranger’s eyes narrowed immediately. Then they widened in horror. He clapped a gloved hand to his mouth.

“E. Gadd was right…” he whispered, horrified. “You don’t know who I am.”

“Well…” Mario scratched his head awkwardly, “I can guess from your outfit you are a fan right? Though you, uh, got the color wrong.” He gestured to his red shirt.

The strange man in green seemed to no longer regard Mario at all. He was holding his head in his hands and looking off into some horrific distance only he could see as tears began to stream down his face. Mario felt a stab of panic and wondered if he should go get the Princess. She was always better with this sort of thing… But she was also busy today. No, no he could do this.

“Look buddy, you look kind of shell shocked. Can I buy you lunch?” Mario asked tentatively, figuring a lunch with your hero was probably pretty high on the cool list for a fan. Even one so emotionally compromised.

The man rounded on him in an instant, full of an unfounded rage.

“How could you?!” he seethed. “How could you just _forget_ me?! After all I’ve done for you! After all we’ve been through together!”

Alarmed, Mario raised open palms peacefully. “I swear I didn’t forget anything. I’ve never met you before now!”

“Never met…” the man looked incredulous. “Of course we never met Mario! We were literally born TOGETHER!”

Mario was fairly sure he was beginning to piece together the fantasy this guy had constructed, and it made him uncomfortable. He wished he could retract his offer of lunch.

“I’m your twin brother, Luigi!” the strange man cried desperately, as if somehow saying it out loud would make the proposition any less ludicrous.


	4. An Awkward Lunch Date

Luigi watched Mario chow down on his hamburger, growing queasier by the minute. He didn’t understand how his brother could eat, but then he supposed the elder twin didn’t have a small hurricane of butterflies performing the Cirque du Soleil in his insides.

“You know,” Mario swallowed, “the point of me buying you lunch was that you actually eat it, and feel slightly better on a full stomach.” Luigi didn’t respond but simply looked at him miserably. Mario rolled his eyes and pulled Luigi’s meal toward himself, starting with the fries.

“So… let me get this straight. You believe you were ‘erased from existence’?” Mario enquired around a mouthful of fries.

“It’s not just something I believe. It’s what Professor E. Gadd ‘postulated’ as the most likely explanation.” Luigi cited dismally, twitching his fingers in air quotes to emphasize. Mario watched him while slurping the remains of his drink through a straw. 

“You do… know who E. Gadd is, right?” Luigi asked tentatively, at his look.

“Sure I do.” Mario put his drink down, and the hand that held it to his chin in a mock thoughtful pose. “He was that insanely – emphasis on _insane_ – helpful scientist that said Peach had a 99.99% possibility of returning safely in his time machine, followed by her immediately not doing that.”

Luigi winced at his brother’s tone. It was true. That was what had happened.

“Let’s see what else… He built F.L.U.D.D. of course, to fix the problem of the reality warping paint brush he also created and somehow ‘misplaced’ in the hands of the Mushroom Kingdom’s most dangerously entitled progeny. Said progeny then FRAMED me with the very same technology resulting in me going to JAIL and spending my entire vacation doing community service. And lastly,” Mario was scowling deeply now, “He had me trafficking coffee beans for him in the Beanbean Kingdom, probably for the purposes of tax evasion, after which he had the audacity to COPYRIGHT all the recipes I worked to create for him!”

“I… didn’t know you felt so strongly about him.” Luigi said, almost intimidated by Mario’s clear dislike of the professor.

The red plumber waved a French fry threateningly “He has the ethical capacity of your average Bowser minion. Probably less, since they at least know when they’re being evil.”

“Well he might have ethical problems, but he’s never lied… To me… When it mattered…that I know of.” Luigi kept having to amend his statement, as Mario’s skeptical eyebrow rose higher and higher. The Green plumber finally shook his head.

“Look we can debate E. Gadd later. What we need to focus on right now is figuring out what happened to me, and how to fix it!”

Mario considered this proposition.

“Have you considered picking up another hobby besides being a fan?”

“I’m serious Mario!” Luigi held his head in his hands, exasperated.

“So am I!” Mario assured him with a frown. “You can’t honestly expect me to believe you’re my long lost – or recently lost – twin? Weird things have happened in my life, but nothing like that.”

Luigi peeked through his fingers at the red plumber.

“Weird things?”

“Sure you know…” Mario shrugged, “I fight a giant fire breathing turtle every Tuesday. That’s the most regular thing about my life. I’ve been to dream worlds, other dimensions, outer space, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.”

“The Dream World? On Pi’illo Island!” Luigi focused on it, dropping his hands. “You expect me to believe you did that whole adventure without me?”

“Uh… yes?” Mario answered uncertainly.

“How did you even get into the Dream World without me?!” Luigi nearly yelled at him. Mario thought about this for a moment, suddenly finding himself blanking. He blinked.

“I’m not sure. There… was a lot of sleeping involved. It’s like trying to remember a dream most of the time.” He said eventually. Luigi groaned, exasperated.

“And I suppose your own baby self cried the Shroobs to death.”

“Lucky he was hungry or something. He wasn’t much of a crier otherwise.” Mario acknowledged, before taking another bite of his hamburger, finishing it off. Luigi put his head in his hands again.

“Look, I appreciate that you follow my career very enthusiastically, but I think obsessing over it probably isn’t the best for you.” Mario said, not unkindly. He gestured awkwardly between the two of them. “I mean come on, a lot of what you think you know about a celebrity is just tabloid fluff.”

“I literally know more about you than you do.” Luigi stated flatly, an unimpressed expression quickly replacing his misery.

“Oh yeah? Prove it.”

“Your favorite pasta dish is carbonara.”

“No it’s-”

“BUT when people ask you, you say its puttanesca because of _una maledetta presuntuosa porta_ that told you to.” Luigi said, cutting across Mario’s protest. “Not that it matters, since you can cook NEITHER due to the fact you cannot boil water without setting it on fire.” Mario looked annoyed, probably at the truth of this fact.

“You ‘used to’ be double jointed, but now you only are on your left hand because you seem to have permanently jammed your right hand and arm from hitting too many blocks over the years.”

Mario massaged his right hand self-consciously. “So maybe you got a look at my medical record and maybe you’ve met the Stardoor who apparently has no respect for confidentiality. That doesn’t mean…”

“Except you don’t have an official medical record here.” Luigi interrupted him again, poking him with a finger in the chest. “You never had any interest in being a doctor, but got a degree in medicine from who knows where after learning Toad Town’s resident physician used a crystal ball to determine if brain surgery was required for a patient. Ever since then, you’ve been your OWN doctor, and you’re terrible at keeping any files organized.”

“Yeah, well, what choice did I have? Still public knowledge by the way.”

“You want something more personal? Fine. You have proposed to AND been accepted by Princess Peach all of 4 times but have mutually talked yourselves out of it each time due to the fact you would have to accept the title ‘King’ and all its responsibilities.” Luigi revealed. Mario was genuinely surprised at this for a half second, before his eyes narrowed dangerously.

“Impressive for a stalker, but that’s someone else’s privacy your intruding on now.” The red plumber advised the other man coldly. Luigi waved a hand, unimpressed.

“You only told me the first three times. The last two times, Peach also came to talk to me about it herself.”

“I suppose she conveniently doesn’t ‘remember’ you either.” Mario asked, unconvinced.

Luigi’s triumphant argumentative posture deflated immediately as he remembered his predicament. “I-I don’t know. I haven’t seen her yet.” Came the sad reply. Mario’s expression shifted as he couldn’t help but feel bad for the guy.

“Well if you were REALLY my twin… you would know my greatest secret of all time.” Mario said slyly, a smile twitching at the edge of his mouth.

The truth was he had no great secret in mind, except the idea that the proposed existence of such a nonexistent secret would drive someone who thought they had all the answers insane. Luigi regarded him levelly.

“Your mustache isn’t actually wavy, it’s smooth like mine. You spend at least 20 minutes every morning making it look like that.”

Mario’s jaw dropped, having forgotten he did in fact have a secret like that.

“ _Che Cazzo!_ Do you have a camera in my bathroom?!” He hissed, quickly recovering.

“I don’t need a camera when I’ve spent 30 years knowing I have to get up first if I want to use the restroom before you take an hour in it.” Luigi said, crossing his arms. “Do you believe me now?”

“I believe you’re a certified stalker, yes.”

“You think I LIKE knowing this much about you?! You think I LIKE knowing it’s YOUR mustache in the food purely based on whether or not I can taste hairspray?!” Luigi angrily reached across the table to swipe a fry and dunk it in the ketchup, before holding it up aggressively. The light in the diner was average at best, and though they both strained their eyes, neither could see an offending hair…yet…

“Give that back!” Mario demanded immediately, horrified.

“No!! You bought them for me!” Luigi shouted back and went to swallow the fry whole.

Mario promptly launched himself across the table. His hand quickly found Luigi’s wrist as he struggled to prevent the fry from reaching its destination. Luigi retaliated quickly by pulling his own arm backwards, which unfortunately pulled Mario directly onto him, and the two tumbled swiftly out of the booth onto the floor, their hats abandoning them in the tussle. They scrambled for the fry, which Mario spotted first, with a triumphant ‘A-ha!’. Recognizing his impending defeat, Luigi punched the table above them, knocking the precariously perched basket containing the remainder of the fries off and a not insignificant amount of ketchup onto his brother’s head. The fries spilt in a salty shower over a surprised plumber before scattering across the tiled floor making it impossible to locate the original object of desire.

Mario stared at the mess, before extricating himself and hopping to his feet.

“That’s how you want to play it, huh-?” He began to ask, before abruptly receiving the rest of Luigi's hamburger to his face. The majority of the meal bounced off harmlessly, but a few particularly mustardy pickles clung to his cheek as a badge of disgrace. Luigi’s face went from smug satisfaction through all five stages of grief in the ensuing 4 seconds of utter silence.

A hush had fallen over the rest of the diner as they stared at the celebrity and the man dressed very much like him. Then a toad in the next booth over tapped Mario on the shoulder, and silently offered him the remains of his chili. Mario thanked him, accepted the chili, and whirled around for revenge as the restaurant broke into an ecstatic cacophony of cheering/jeering/and other sounds unbefitting of any fine dining establishment.

Luigi had booked it, but it didn’t take much for Mario to notice him running for cover behind another booth, hat in hand. The man in green went into a baseball slide to reach the shelter, but it was not enough to save him as Mario swept up a burger bun from their table and sent a precision arc shot bun of chili to collide with the side of the enemy’s head. He heard a satisfactory ‘eurgh!’ before looking around to locate his next ammunition. A slice of cake suddenly impacted on the wall next to his head, forcing him to take cover himself.

Cornbread was a whiff, followed by a return barrage of fruit salad, some of which stuck in the ketchup in his hair. The Shepherd’s pie was a surprisingly effective disc-like projectile he was fairly certain had made contact with the previously impeccably clean green shirt. The retaliatory green gelatin had been a headshot though, and proceeded to drip uncomfortably down his own red counterpart as a delighted ‘Ho-ho!’ reached his ears. Mario’s eyes scoured the tables nearby and finally he located the ultimate option, which he picked up gingerly, before proceeding to stalk around the booths on the right side, approaching Luigi’s last known position.

“ _Arrendetevi, Signor Verde!_ We have you surrounded!” Mario cupped glove to his mouth, hoping to somewhat throw the sound of his voice to the other side of the restaurant as he crept forwards.

“ _Non mi prenderete mai vivo!_ ” Came the responding cry. Mario grinned evilly. He was exactly where he needed him to be.

“WAHOO!” Mario broke into a run and vaulted the final booth. In one continuous motion dumped the entire full bowl of spaghetti onto Luigi’s head, who let out a frightened cry of surprise and jumped up in distress at his new tomato-y toupee. For a brief second Mario was concerned that the dish had perhaps been too hot, but the concern evaporated when Luigi turned on him, fuming. The red-clad plumber doubled over in laughter, and promptly received a chocolate milkshake poured over his head while he was bent over.

“Hey! No-” Mario could barely speak while laughing so hard “no cheap-shots! I got you fair and square!”

“What’s wrong, bro? I thought chocolate was your _favorite_.” Luigi feigned innocence, then promptly snorted as he got a good look at Mario, before breaking into a full laugh. Mario had paused at the word ‘bro’, but found the laughter oddly contagious, and himself broke into new fit of cackling alongside his opponent. At some point they had to start leaning on each other for support.

“I’m sorry to intrude, but what the _HELL_ is going on here? Mario?” A voice broke in on them. Mario cracked an eye to find himself facing a justifiably angry looking female Toad, in a button down and apron. Nas T. The owner of the establishment.

“Nas!” Mario cried, trying unsuccessfully to brush a bit of the condemning evidence off… well, everywhere. “I’m, err… so sorry?” He eventually led with. Luigi nodded fervently next to him, trying ineffectively to stifle his snickering.

“Oh, you will be sorry.” She threatened, brandishing a ladle dangerously, causing both of them to sober up right quick. “If you think you’re getting out of this one, Mario, you’re absolutely wrong. I don’t care if you’re having a party tonight.” Nas jerked her head in the direction of the window, beyond which a few royal retainers were going around town posting signs for the party Peach had promised.

“Absolutely understandable.” Mario agreed with a weak smile, trying not to look too crestfallen. His eyes glanced towards the clock. It was already 3pm. He might not have time to clean the house but he could still…

“I’ll do it.” Luigi’s voice came from beside him, shaking him from his calculating. “I started the fight, Mario was just defending his honor.”

Nas T. looked him up and down critically, trying to recognize him despite the spaghetti, and failing.

“Who are you supposed to be?”

“I-” Luigi stammered, before his shoulders drooped resignedly, “It doesn’t matter.” With a hand he slicked a generous portion of spaghetti off onto the ground in a pile near some of the other food residue.

“Hm. Mop’s in the pantry. Bathroom’s back over there if you want to try to clean up some first.” Nas instructed him, before turning and heading back to the kitchen with a sense of finality.

“You don’t have to-” Mario began immediately, but Luigi held up a hand.

“No, it’s the least I can do to pay you back for lunch.”

“But-”

“It’s fine. I’m sorry I weirded you out, but… thanks for listening anyway. You can go.”

Mario put a hand on the back of his milkshake ridden neck and turned to leave, uncertain. He stopped briefly to retrieve his hat, left at their booth in the midst of the skirmish.

“Oh wait, Mario-” The red clad plumber turned back once more to find a key being held out to him.

“I locked the front door, and I, uh, know you probably forgot yours.” Luigi stated with a sad smile. Mario took the key, suddenly feeling very awkward with the eyes of the restaurant on him.

“Uh, thanks. Hey listen…” the red plumber began tentatively, almost uncertain if he was doing the right thing, “You know I still find your story hard to believe but… well I know for certain now that parallel dimensions to the Mushroom Kingdom do exist. Maybe you should ask your professor friend if he accidentally pulled you from one?”

Luigi blinked. “That… would make a lot of sense.” He said slowly.

“Something to think about. I’ll see you around.” Mario waved a farewell, before considering, “Then again, maybe not, if you find what you’re looking for.” He pushed his way out of the bell jangling door. Luigi watched him go, before letting out a sigh and getting to work as the door creaked to a shut once more.

Outside, Mario stared at the key in his gloved hand for a long few seconds. He wasn’t really sure what emotion he was feeling, except… weirded out, mostly. But not quite the same brand of weird feeling he had had walking into the restaurant with the strange man. His eye caught the party notice now stapled to the side of the building. Half of him wanted to march back into the restaurant and invite the green guy – ‘Luigi' – to come. He certainly had good aim, and he knew how to have fun. The other half said,

“Ehhh, maybe one Wario is enough.” Mario murmured, before pocketing the key and beginning the short journey home. He had taken maybe 3 steps before he reached a hand up to reflexively wipe at something dripping down his face. The red plumber glanced at his hand to evaluate the stain damage to his glove as a result, and was shocked to find it nothing but damp with water. His glove returned to his face as his eyes proceeded to blur further.

“ _Che diavolo_?” Mario asked no one in particular, suddenly disturbed.

Why was he crying?

~~~

Professor E. Gadd was in the midst of a delicate experiment when the initial wrenching noise of the top hatch echoed down into the bunker. He ignored the sound in favor of pouring the rest of the Lunoman blend into the vial of vibrant blue ghost energy. As it began to turn green and viscous, he set the vial on the counter and turned to the door. A few keypad noises later, the lock disengaged and the door swung inward, to reveal a stained and bedraggled Luigi.

The man didn’t say anything, but he did walk over to where E. Gadd kept the blanket, grabbed it, and promptly sat on the floor opposite the professor’s workstation, flung the blanket around himself, and pulled his knees up to his chest.

“That bad, huh, son?” E. Gadd asked, after a quiet moment.

“I thought the whole point of _It’s a Wonderful Life_ was to show you that everyone would be worse off without you. But everyone’s fine without me.” Luigi said softly, a few tears trickling down his dirty face. 

“They just don’t know what they’re missing.” The professor assured him.

“No, they’re not missing anything!” Luigi countered, a bit of anger rising in his voice. “Everything is the same, exactly as I remember it. But everything I ever did for the people I cared about, they could apparently do for themselves, just as easily. My existence is superfluous!"

Gadd hopped off his chair, and place a hand on the green plumber’s shoulder.

“Maybe our history is different now, but you WERE critical to the timeline you were from. I am very certain of that, based on what I’ve read from… myself.” E. Gadd tried to comfort him.

“No offense professor, but one scientist missing his favorite lab rat is hardly reassuring.” Luigi replied miserably. E. Gadd wasn’t sure what to say to that.

“Look… Mario suggested maybe you pixelated me from another dimension that’s the same but slightly different. A parallel mushroom kingdom?” Luigi looked up towards the scientist, who in turn looked curious at the idea.

“A parallel dimension? I suppose it’s possible…” E. Gadd mused.

“Then could you please figure out how to send me back? I would really like to go home from this nightmare.” Luigi begged, tears welling.

“No, no, I meant it’s possible that one might exist, not that you came from one. Spacetime signatures are very important parts of your pixelation code, to make sure I don’t pull you from some other time and space. Your pixelation signature is definitely from this dimension.” E. Gadd explained, causing Luigi to moan and hide his head in the blanket.

“Can you at least LOOK for one?” Came the muffled request.

“I… sure.” E. Gadd agreed, patting the blanketed shoulder. Glancing towards the vial of goo on the counter and confirming it was still doing ok, the professor spun his chair towards the largest computer screen, and began calibrating several sensors connected to it.

“This will take a bit.” E. Gadd informed his companion. “You look pretty exhausted. If you want, you can catch some sleep in the training room. There’s a cot in-”

“I know where it is.” Luigi said tiredly, standing. He moved to retrieve the sad excuse for a bed. “But thanks Professor.”

“I’ll come get you if I find anything.”


	5. Party Crashers

“Luigi…?”

Luigi awoke to a soft tapping on his shoulder. It had been one of those naps you regret taking, on account of you waking up more tired than you went to sleep. His brain felt like cold oatmeal. Still, he rolled over with a groan to face E. Gadd, peering down at him.

“You found something?” Luigi sat up, popping his back with a stretch. E. Gadd nodded in confirmation, as the other man got to his feet. “How long was I out?” The plumber inquired. It was often hard to tell the passage of time underground.

“Only a couple hours. It’s a little after 8.”

“Figures. I’m starving.” Luigi admitted, as his stomach rumbled to corroborate his statement. 

“You can eat while I show you what I discovered.” E. Gadd told him over his shoulder, as he led the way back to the lab.

A few minutes later, Luigi was chewing thoughtfully on a stale peanut butter sandwich, trying to digest both the dry food and the information the professor was attempting to feed his brain. E. Gadd had offered him more coffee, but Luigi had been forced to turn it down because it smelled like Gooigi.

“Beyond the typical intersections between our dimension and the paranormal dimension, there has been some notable activity of a maladjusted dimensional nature.” E. Gadd began.

“Ok.” Luigi nodded. “Could you repeat that in English or Italian, please?” E. Gadd’s mouth formed a disapproving line at this dig, but he pushed his glasses up and gestured to the monitor full of indecipherable letters and numbers.

“You remember how I told you pixelation signatures have sections that correspond to what dimension you are from?”

The green plumber nodded again, this time genuinely, as he finished up his less than ideal sandwich.

“Well there’s a reason for that. Your dimensional signature is part of what makes you exist on our physical plane.” The professor drew a wavy line. “Think of it like a vibration of you, that matches with the vibration of the rest of the dimension you’re in.” He drew another wavy line parallel to the first. “Good vibes all around.”

“Professor I don’t see how this is supposed to help-” Luigi tried, and immediately failed, to cut short the science lesson.

“If you’re not from this dimension,” E. Gadd bulldozed his protest, “Your signature is different.” He drew a zig-zag line this time, which intersected many times with the previously untouched wave line. “And you cause all sorts of static interference that makes it mighty difficult to cleanly pixelate targets. But for our purposes right now, it works in our favor.” E. Gadd said, looking at the diagram thoughtfully.

“The presence of static noise means something from another dimension.” Luigi realized. “So you did find something, then?”

“Quite a few things actually. This is basically how my parascope works, although it is typically tuned to look for the frequencies I associate with the paranormal dimension. I undid that tuning and scanned for… well anything else. And I found quite a bit of activity…here.” E. Gadd typed on his keyboard, and pulled up a textureless but precise 3D topographical scan of the Mushroom Kingdom, which he zoomed in on three times, before sitting back and looking at Luigi expectantly.

“Peach’s Castle?” Luigi voiced his surprise at the sight of the familiar structure.

“The upper floors have faint traces all over, which suggest perhaps the small dispersal of some atmosphere from another dimension. But it’s what’s under…” E. Gadd flipped the image to give a view of the underground below Peach’s castle. “That seems most condemning.”

Sure enough, there was a small concentrated vibrantly glowing rectangle… a box maybe? It appeared to be deep inside a several layers of an underground structure beneath the castle. After a moment, Luigi recalled what the structure was, at least.

“That’s the Dark Star vault.” He said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “It used to hold an ancient evil of the same name but… well, it was freed and caused problems and was defeated et cetera a few years back.”

“Oh you don’t have to tell me about that, sonny.” E. Gadd laughed. “After the vault failed to do its job the first time around, Princess Peach explicitly contacted me for my services to create a higher degree of security. Nobody alive or dead will be getting in there anytime soon without permission, that’s for sure!” 

Luigi was less amused. The green plumber stood back, crossing his arms.

“This doesn’t really help us though. It could be from any dimension. We need a parallel dimension.”

The professor scratched his head thoughtfully, before shaking it.

“The traces of the other dimension’s atmosphere that haven’t yet dispersed completely give us a time frame for when the dimension hopping happened – probably sometime yesterday, or even earlier today at the latest. The timeline matches almost directly with when you arrived here, and more importantly, just before your amnesiac brother decided to bring up parallel dimensions in casual conversation.” E. Gadd pointed out. “If you want a lead on other dimensions being involved in what happened to you, this is it.”

Luigi bit his lip, unsure.

“Well, you have the signature for this other dimension now, right?” Luigi turned back to the professor after a moment. “Can you try to pixelate me there?” 

“Don’t be absurd! Pixelation requires a pixelator at the target site to recompile you.” E. Gadd chided him, before looking thoughtful. “Although I suppose if it truly was a parallel dimension, there might be an alternate version of myself there, with his own pixelator…”

“Please stop that train of thought before it makes me more anxious than I already am.” Luigi interrupted him.

“Alright. Then there’s really only one course of action. You need to get me whatever’s in that vault, so I can research more about the dimension it’s from.” E. Gadd informed him. “In the meantime, I’ll see what I can do about figuring out a relatively safe method for interdimensional travel.”

“Yeah good luck with that.” Luigi replied unhelpfully. “I suppose I should go see Princess Peach then.” The green plumber swallowed a lump in his throat. It wasn’t that the thought of speaking to the princess made him nervous. It was the creeping feeling of despair that he would once again have to introduce himself to one of his oldest friends.

The professor glanced at the nearby clock, which read out 8:44 PM. “Don’t you think it might be best to wait for morning at this point?” Luigi shook his head.

“I saw signs in town today for a Mario Party their having tonight. The princess is sure to be there, and it‘s… a natural opportunity for me to introduce myself.” He posited with a gloomy sigh. “Any chance you could pixelate me there? The game is usually broadcast on Channel 13…”

Gadd nodded, and swung back around to his keyboard. Luigi moved slightly, to stand squarely under the pixelator’s camera.

“Hold still… and good luck!” The scientist said, pressing a few buttons, before reaching to his joystick and pulling the trigger. As Luigi felt himself being decompiled atom by atom, he kept his eyes on the small glowing rectangle still on screen.

_Whatever it is, it’s probably locked up for a good reason..._ was his last conscious thought.

~~~

“Hey you made it! Let’s get you a star!” Toadette greeted Mario happily as he closed the distance to her pedestal. The red plumber grinned.

“I will absolutely take that off your hands for 10 coins.” He told her, holding out the money. She exchanged it for the sparkling five pointed treasure. Mario had held probably close to two thousand of the things in his lifetime by now, but they still always managed to catch his breath with their otherworldly beauty.

Mario pocketed the comfortably warm star, and then glanced towards the scoreboard as it shuffled the players and moved him up to 2nd place, just behind Princess Daisy. He laughed in triumph, as Wario and Peach groaned at their own displacement. Additionally, the newly placed star was a significant distance from all 4 players on the board. Mario was unconcerned by this however, as only he and Wario currently had allies, allowing them to cover greater distances faster. 

“Hey Daisy! Better hold onto your stars tightly! Wouldn’t want you to drop one, trying to keep up with the rest of us!” Mario shouted towards the Sarasaland princess, while patting Yoshi on the shoulder next to him for emphasis.

She responded to his probe with a very unladylike gesture, and punched her own die which rewarded her with a very average 3. Mario snickered. The Sarasaland princess may have gotten lucky early, but her average die was not the best for the long game.

Mario allowed his gaze to drift around the stadium while Daisy executed her move. It was a relatively cool summer evening, following the storm yesterday, and quite a crowd had turned out for the game, despite the fact no new exotic royal was present. Bowser hadn’t shown either, which was atypical; but at least Kamek had come to fulfill his role as a game master, so the invitations had at least reached the Koopa Kingdom.

A party, the promise of good food later, and no Bowser. It was shaping up to be quite the pleasant evening-

Mario stopped, his eyes falling on what appeared to be a disturbance in the stands opposite his immediate position on the board. There was certainly a lot of shoving going on between two fans. If he didn’t know any better, it looked like a fight was breaking out…

He sighed. There went his perfect evening.

~~~

“I’m really very sorry I’m in your way b-but see, I really need to be close to the edge so that I can get the p-princess’s attention if she p-passes by here and I-” Luigi stammered, both hoping and doubting that it would be enough to prevent an ensuing escalation.

“You want to meet the princess? Fine. I hear she makes regular visits to hospital patients!” The Chargin’ Chuck opposite the green plumber cracked his knuckles menacingly, as Luigi tried to shrink a couple of inches.

Before he could say anymore however, he suddenly became aware of a thin soapy film closing itself in front of… no, around him!

“What the-” the Chuck voiced both of their surprise.

“Oh no...” the green plumber squeaked out miserably, recognizing what was happening immediately. The bubble rocketed upward, knocking Luigi off his feet, into a slightly awkward floating sensation. As they moved out of the darkened stands into the brightly lit board, a familiar green die appeared in Luigi’s hands, and he clung to its familiarity somewhat desperately. Having already been on the front row, it didn’t take long for the bubble to stop traveling horizontally. Before long it began descend slowly before unceremoniously dumping Luigi onto his rear at the base of an all-too familiar orange dress.

“Hey, it’s… Luigi?” Came Toad’s confused voice on the announcement system, followed by a slightly muffled, ‘who is he??’. The microphone feedbacked shortly, before the booming high-pitched voice returned. “Well it says here you can usually count on him in a pinch!”

Luigi blinked in the bright light as his eyes adjusted, then found himself looking up into the confused face of Princess Daisy, who nonetheless was extending a gloved hand to help him up.

“I don’t think we’ve met.” Daisy said, with a smile. Luigi’s heart broke and melted at the same time, resulting in a general gooey mess. Moreso than usual, that is.

To say they had been ‘involved’ would be both true and untrue. Luigi would never claim that Daisy was his girlfriend, in the same vein Mario would ‘publicly’ deny such a relationship to Peach. Fraternizing with royalty had taught the plumber brothers a few things early on – the first being that you could not publicly announce the relationship until you had already proposed, been accepted, and generally decided to stick it out in the spotlight for the remainder of your days. Subjects tended to react badly if their favorite royal couple broke up; thus all real ‘dating’ was conducted unofficially and out of the eye of the press. After that, it was a carefully constructed dog and pony show of public courtship, engagement, and marriage, all for the sake of appearing to have an almost unnaturally stable relationship.

But even more than just hiding it from the public, the second thing about dating a princess – and rather the first thing about any relationship in general – was that it involved commitment. And that was where the red and green plumbers differed. Mario could, and had, committed wholly to his princess. Luigi… simply could not do the same for Daisy, for a variety of reasons.

She understood – because of course she did. He had a life in the Mushroom Kingdom. He had friends. Sometimes even a job, working with one of the world’s most renowned, if eccentric, scientists. But above everything, the green plumber had a prior commitment to always be there for his brother, whenever Mario would need him at his back – which was often. Luigi couldn’t just pick up and move to Sarasaland. Not yet.

~~Maybe never.~~

So they were in agreement. They weren’t dating, unofficially or otherwise. Just two good friends who had had dinner a few times. And there had been that one time that…

…

And that other time…

…And that time also…

…and all those times too.

Well at least the only thing they had agreed upon like the big adults they were was to not be ‘exclusive’ or anything else that smacked of commitment or… expectations of a future. 

Regardless of the fact Luigi hadn’t looked at another woman in about a decade.

“Are you alright?”

Luigi broke from his reminiscing to realize the hand was still outstretched in front of him, and an increasingly concerned look was growing on the one face he would be happy to look at for the rest of his life.

“Yes I’m fine- just a little shocked I suppose.” Luigi took the hand and was hoisted to his feet almost entirely without effort on his part.

“First time?” She asked with another winning smile.

He swallowed hard, feeling a flush creep up his neck at memories they no longer shared. _Déjà vu era una cagna._

“N-nope. Just unexpected. I didn’t sign up to be, uh, available in today’s game.”

“Weird. Well I hope you don’t mind too much, but I need your help to crush that smug little red hat over there.” Daisy nudged her head in the direction of Mario, who was staring slack jawed back at them. “I’m Daisy, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you D-daisy.” Luigi couldn’t help but stammer, as he fought back a blur in the corner of his vision. “You probably heard, but I’m Luigi.”

“Yeah, honestly, I thought I had MISheard. But Toad sounded as surprised as I was when you showed up.” She said, tapping her chin, as she watched Peach making a roll and her subsequent move across the board. “You new to the MK? And what’s with the overalls? Looking to edge in on Wario’s rivalry game with Mario?”

“Uh… not particularly?” Luigi replied honestly.

“That’s a shame. Mr. Hero could use a good knock down a peg or two and I don’t think Wario’s competent enough to.... Wait a minute…” Daisy narrowed her eyes, suddenly suspicious. “Luigi, huh? That’s a pretty convenient name considering Wario’s purple tennis buddy… did Mario hire you to be HIS tennis double? Is he finally going to give Peach back to me for a partner? Don’t tell me he made you sign up under a different name!”

“What?! No!” Luigi grimaced at the absurdity. If anything, it was the other way around. Daisy considered him with a shrewd gaze for a moment.

“Alright then wise guy, tell me your story. We’ve got time.” She nodded again towards the other players, where Wario was in the midst of his turn, contemplating item use.

Luigi looked away, biting his lip, then decided to try changing the subject.

“If you want to win so badly, how about I instead tell you about what will actually help us.” He hoisted up the green rimmed cube he arrived with. “My die is a basic min-maxxer. I’ve found if you roll it with the 6 down, you get the best results.”

“Min-max? Please, what is this, amateur hour?” Daisy laughed, grabbing her own die for comparison. Luigi knew exactly what was on it.

“Take a look at this beaut.” She crowed. “Perfect balance of 3s and 4s. Which makes it-”

“The absolute safest die in the game, mathematically speaking.” Luigi finished for her, and gave her a small smile. She was surprised for a millisecond, before beaming at him.

“High time another intellectual joined this group of mouth breathers!” Daisy punched him in the arm happily. He both braced for it, and started massaging it reflexively. Apparently, some things never changed, and there was a certain comfort to that.

“You know that actually makes us quite a good pair, when you think about it.” Daisy said thoughtfully looking at his woefully imbalanced die. “I’ve got the consistency, but you’ve got the jazz. We can take risks, but still have some security in our back pocket.”

Luigi watched Wario making his way along with a monty mole trailing behind him. “At the end of the day, we’re still subject to the whims of the almighty RNG”. He reminded her.

“It’s not getting lucky that makes a good player. It’s how you play the bad hands.” Daisy grinned wolfishly.

Wario concluded his move and they shifted into the end of round minigame phase. It wasn’t a team game, so Luigi watched from the sidelines with the mole and Yoshi as Daisy partnered with Peach against Mario and Wario, competing to build a towering ice sculpture. The princesses won, but it was mostly due to Wario and Mario’s comparative utter lack of synergy. Luigi would like to have blamed Wario, as per usual, but even he had to admit it was pretty clearly Mario at fault this time. The red plumber was obviously distracted, and his continued glances in Luigi’s direction gave away a lot, to more than just the green plumber himself.

As Daisy returned to Luigi pocketing an appreciable amount of coin, she asked him about it with a raised eyebrow.

“Not that I don’t appreciate a well-executed psychological distraction but… you sure you don’t have a rivalry or something with Mario? He seems quite taken with your sudden appearance.”

“I uh- bumped into him earlier today. Caused a bit of a disturbance at a restaurant. I don’t think he expected me to be here either.” The green plumber adjusted his hat awkwardly.

“Man, why does all the fun happen before I arrive?” Daisy groused, before breaking into a snicker as a distracted Mario once again walked himself onto a bad luck space. “Hey Hero-boy, watch where you’re going! I’d hate for you to lose your ONLY star just because my date is prettier than yours!” She yelled in his direction, drawing a glare and a _ma va va_ gesture.

“Heh, I love when he does that.” She smirked turning back to Luigi.

“Does what, wave?” Luigi feigning innocence. She eyed him skeptically.

“Don’t play coy with me. You may not want to tell me how you know Mario, but it’s hard not to notice you have an accent just like him.” Daisy briefly shielded her eyes as the spotlight turned to them. “Table that thought though - we’re up green bean. Give me your die.”

Surprised she was willing to risk the ones, Luigi handed it over. Daisy carefully maneuvered it so the 6 side was down, as he instructed, before throwing it into the air and giving it a solid thwack. Luigi followed suit with a regular die behind her. They spun magically before slowing to a halt; a 5 and a 1. 

“I’ll take a 6 any day!” The Sarasaland princess declared, before taking off at a brisk jog. Luigi almost tripped in his attempt to follow her, but kept pace. They only stopped briefly at Flutter’s shop, where, ever on the offense, Daisy elected to purchase a poison shroom. They came to a stop on a standard space, the next star only 8 spaces away.

“Well,” Luigi said, scrutinizing the glimmering prize. “Theoretically, we could get it if we roll the absolute best… But-”

“If you say we should’ve picked up a gold shroom instead, you can forget it.” Daisy cut him off at the pass. “I never look back.”

“Clearly.” Luigi said with a smile, after looking back himself.

“Coming through! Hi you guys!” Princess Peach greeted them cheerfully as she passed them on her turn. She was already 3 spaces ahead of them by the time Luigi remembered his purpose here.

“Princess, wait!” He called anxiously, but Peach didn’t hear him, having landed on an ally space herself. After a second or two, the beautiful Rosalina descended from the heavens to join the Mushroom Kingdom’s monarch. Luigi sighed.

“Damn. There’s no way she’s not going to get the star next round now.” Daisy murmured conspiratorially.

“I’ll say. You want to talk about two people that look suspiciously similar, look no further.” He commented, gazing at the beautiful mother of the stars speaking to the pink-clad princess. Mario had briefly discussed the startling similarities between the two once before with him; Luigi recalled his brother’s primary theory that Rosalina was an aunt of Peach’s many generations back. Suddenly, as if she could feel his eyes, Rosalina looked up and met his gaze with a steady stare of her own. He immediately looked away, abashed to be caught ogling.

Wario finished his turn without anything notable happening, and the four players found themselves in the minigame round again. This time it was a team battle. ‘Half the battle’, to be precise. Daisy and Luigi found themselves partnered with Wario and the mole on the opposite side of the court, while Mario shared their side but was partnered with Peach.

It didn’t take long for the red plumber to beeline his way towards them while they had a moment to reaffirm the game rules.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t-” Daisy began immediately as he approached, but Mario ignored her in favor of her ally.

“What are you doing here?!” He asked Luigi incredulously, under his breath.

“Believe me, I don’t know any more than you do.” Luigi began apologetically. “I only came here to try to speak to the princess-”

“What?! Can’t you keep your stalking to one target?” Mario asked, exasperated.

“What princess? Me?” Daisy joined their huddle with her best whisper voice, which was not very respectable, as far as whispers go.

“Not you! Peach!”

“No, Princess Peach.”

Both brothers corrected her immediately, overlapping each other. Daisy’s face fell, unenthused.

“Look Mario, I just need to ask her about-”

“START!” The announcer’s voice rang out loudly disrupting their muster, and before he knew it Luigi was dragged off by the overall straps by Daisy to participate in the game, despite his protests. (“You can talk to the pretty pink princess after we win, Mr. Love Triangle.”) 

~~~

Mario was distracted, but no longer so wholly off his game, since it appeared the Sarasaland Princess was easily controlling the green stranger. The red plumber turned his focus to racing the two of them to the pieces with some measure of success thanks to the bumbling of her new companion.

However when he reached the barrier in the middle to combine his pieces with Peach, he was met with a new distraction. His own princess was watching the competition as well, looking concerned.

“What’s wrong?” he asked immediately as they locked their pieces together, and stood aside for Yoshi and Rosalina to follow suit.

“Oh! Nothing.” She lied.

“Peach…”

“We…we can talk later, Mario.”

And so, they separated again, Mario’s distraction renewed in full. A short minute later, Daisy and Wario’s team predictably won. Though the red plumber’s growing agitation did play a part, it would be remiss not to also credit Wario’s ruthlessness when it came to shoving others out of the way to claim treasure.

The four players and their allies warped back to the board to the sound of Daisy and Wario’s victorious whooping, but being indignant was the furthest thing from Mario’s mind. He barely paid attention as Kamek appeared and sorceled up the bad luck spaces, signaling the final phase of the game.

It was his turn first. Mario had a custom dice block, and there was a koopa paratrooper just within reach. He crunched the numbers, and turned to Yoshi who was giving him a ‘please dude, can we at least try to win’ look.

“Sorry bud.” The red plumber punched a 4 in on the block. 2 steps got them to the paratrooper, who flew them swiftly over to Daisy and Luigi, after which they took 2 more steps to end on the space right next to Princess Peach.

“So… you were saying?” He gestured politely for her to continue where they had left off. Peach sighed at him, shaking her head ever so slightly at his antics. But after glancing again towards Daisy and her ally, Peach bent her head towards her own significant plumber.

“Mario… do you know that man with Daisy?”

Mario swallowed, fears confirmed. “Truth be told, I only met him this morning. I honestly don’t know how he’s here. I didn’t give him an invite…”

“He didn’t need you to. He presence in the roster seems to be by default, and it appears at first glance quite legitimate.” Rosalina drifted over towards them, cryptic as ever. Mario stared at her for a second, trying to form a polite response that indicated how unhelpful her vague _cazzate_ was. But the more he considered her words, the more he realized there was something there to unpack. 

It was only a game, but unlike their sports tournaments, ‘Mario Parties’ as they had come to call them, relied more heavily on a complex system of magic designed by Kamek, and a few other gifted magicians throughout the participating kingdoms. For the most recent rendition, Rosalina herself had provided a spot check for Princess Peach to ensure Bowser wasn’t instructing his chief magikoopa to sneak fowl play into the mix.

“Rosalina was telling me earlier,” Peach explained, “That man is surrounded by a strange energy field. It’s possible he is more than he seems, which might explain his sudden appearance and inclusion in the roster.” Mario rubbed his forehead distractedly. He didn’t want to bring this up now but…

“I don’t know about any strange energy fields, but when I spoke with him earlier, I thought he was just a superfan of mine. He was very insistently saying a bunch of crazy things…” Mario confessed, awkwardly.

“Crazy? Like what?” Peach inquired.

“Well… he basically said he was my long-lost twin brother.”

The swift paling of Princess Peach’s face did not have anything to do with the spotlight that turned onto her.

~~~

Upon returning from the minigame, Daisy was giving Luigi ‘a look’ he knew all too well. He tried to ignore it to no avail.

“So… princess stalker huh?”

“No, I just want to speak with her.” He corrected her.

“Mmhmm. Then what has Mario’s overalls in a bunch?”

“How should I know? Jealousy probably.” Luigi lied. “I’ve got at least 7 inches on him.” Daisy raised an eyebrow. “In h-height!” He amended, turning slightly pink.

Mercifully, Daisy let it the issue drop, becoming uncharacteristically quiet. As the spotlight turned to them, she merely held a hand out silently requesting his die. Without much ceremony, she swiftly threw it in the air and punched… a 1. Luigi, in turn, rolled a 2.

Just his luck. Luigi groaned prematurely, but stopped when he noticed Daisy’s quiet triumphant air punch. The two of them trekked forward the allotted 3 steps onto the ally space currently occupied by Princess Peach. Whatever conversation Mario and the Princess had been having died as they approached, leading to an awkwardly silent couple of spaces, occupied by a total of 6 people trying not to look at each other as the RNG selected an ally to join Daisy and Luigi.

And of course, it chose a Boo.

“Ehhehhehh! Let’s be… friends.” The Boo greeted Daisy upon arrival, and handed her it’s die. It then drifted behind her, stopping short next to an only slightly quaking Luigi. The spotlight moved onto Peach, who looked equally as shaken as Luigi for a moment, before starting her own roll.

Despite concerned looks from both Mario and Daisy, Luigi WAS doing his best to control the trembling. The Boo however, as was typical, seemed only delighted by the extreme discomfort of his ally.

“What’s wrong, Mr. Lime Green?” It snickered in his direction eventually. “Vacuum got your tongue?”

Luigi closed his eyes, trying to shut it out for all of 10 seconds, before he realized exactly what it had said.

“Vacuum?” He turned to it, incredulous, fears suddenly forgotten. “You’re… referring to the Poltergust?”

“Yeesh I’d heard you were thick, Green, but I didn’t think you could possibly be that slow… having defeated the King and all.” The Boo tittered in response.

“You…know who I am?” Luigi whispered, disbelief surging through him, trying unsuccessfully to drown the fresh pinprick of hope in his heart. Both Daisy and Mario, previously eavesdropping, were no longer making attempts to disguise their complete investment in the conversation, confusion and anticipation written across their faces. The Boo looked between all the humans giving him their full attention, clearly confused.

“No self-respecting Boo wouldn’t know who Luigi of the Mario Brothers is.” It said, tilting its head with a leer. “The price on your head is enough to set me up for several afterlives. And I hear it’s doubled since you went missing.”

Mario balked, as if someone had slapped him. Daisy blinked, not quite sure how to process what she was hearing.

Luigi’s ecstasy was unparalleled.

Before anything could be said between them however, Princess Peach finished the purchase of her star and took the last three steps of her roll directly onto a bad luck space.

“Keeheehee!! You’re in for it now Princess!” Kamek appeared, laughing his sinister cackle, as the princess was summoned before him near the edge of the board. “You know the drill! Stop the roulette wheel!”

For the most part, Peach had simply been going through the motions all night, with an increasing number of other things to preoccupy her mind. But even she was forced to pay attention when the roulette options appeared before her. With a start, she suddenly realized they all said the same thing.

INVASION!

INVASION!

INVASION!

INVASION!

INVASION!

“No…” Peach turned swiftly to look towards the East where the Koopa Kingdom lay. Sure enough, beyond the bright spotlights of the stadium, there were at least fifteen fire-illuminated shapes visible against the dark sky, growing larger by the second as they closed in fast.

Airships.

All hell broke loose as the first cannon fire hit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me 3 hours playing Super Mario Party in order to get the dialogue for when you summon Luigi as an ally. :')


	6. A Regular Tuesday

_BOOM!_

_CRASH!_

The first round of cannon fire hit the edge of the Mario Party stadium like a bullet connecting with tin foil. The outer paneling was devastated, and none of the internal structure was sufficient to stop the cannonball’s progress onto the field where it buried itself a foot or two into the ground, still just visible enough for all to see the Bowser insignia on its side. Only a second of tense, hissing and smoking passed before it exploded, setting the board’s nearby patches of terrain alight with a blaze of fire. The screams began immediately, but they hardly drowned out the following sound of more cannon fire and the whirring of propellers as the airships closed in above the stadium.

Above all the rest, Luigi recognized the telltale sound of Peach’s scream of frustration; he whirled around to see as she was bound and hoisted upwards by Kamek’s magic. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted his brother making a run for the magikoopa, and immediately bent his knees to follow.

“Don’t worry about her, Mario will deal with them.” Daisy’s hand stayed his arm, and her voice shouted in his ear over the sounds of combat. “We need to help evacuate the civilians! It’s what she would want!” She pointed over to the eastward side of stadium from which the airships had come, where Rosalina was desperately attempting to magically uphold the stands as more cannonballs tore through the steel supports within. 

Luigi felt a twinge of discomfort at not joining his brother, but ultimately nodded in agreement. Bowser typically never harmed Peach – the bystanders in the audience however, were in far more immediate peril. The two sprinted across the board to join the lady of the stars. 

“How long can you hold just the stairs?” Luigi shouted as they neared her.

“As long… as is necessary…” Rosalina replied haltingly. He could tell the blue robed woman was straining under the magical effort though, currently being so far removed from her Observatory Comet and the source of her power.

“Daisy, give her our stars. Their power should help her at least a little.” Luigi told the Sarasaland Princess, who nodded and fished them out of her inventory. The green plumber broke into a running start, before leaping an impressive vertical height into the middle of stands. As his boots connected with the fabricated ground, the entire structure pitched and he struggled to maintain his balance, waving his arms wildly. Soon however he was moving again, as lightly as he could, helping Toads and other guests up and pushing them gently in the direction of the stairs while trying to get them to maintain a somewhat single file line.

Once the crowds began to thin, as directed Rosalina shifted the focus of her remaining power on keeping only the stairs intact. The seats themselves started to breakdown, with portions falling in on themselves and large gaps appearing. Luigi eventually found himself jumping a sufficient amount to reach sections with stranded members of the audience. Getting them down was another matter entirely though…

“You’re gonna have to jump. I promise you, any broken leg you might get will be better than being crushed under a falling stadium.” Luigi informed the Chargin’ Chuck in front of him as they teetered on the top edge of the stadium, looking down towards the outside of the arena. It was about a 60ft drop. Luigi himself had a Toad and a Shy Guy tucked under each arm, but was prepared to make the jump as soon as he was sure the koopa wouldn’t be left behind.

“I-I… I can’t!” The brute in front of him was panicked and on the verge of tears. Despite recognizing the bully from earlier, the green plumber felt no joy in the reversal of their situation.

Luigi was a man of exceptional empathy, and knew better than anyone how fear could paralyze a person. So, against his better judgement, he promptly kicked the Chuck off the stands before jumping after him.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH-” _thud_.

There was a stab of pain in his knees as he landed with more weight than he was accustomed, but nothing else seemed worse for the wear. Luigi immediately set his two charges down, and turned back towards the Chuck who seemed ok, but at the moment too dazed to walk. A creaking wrenching noise filled the green plumber’s ears, followed by the unforgettable sound of snapping steel cables.

“This section’s about to come down!” Luigi yelled to others. We have to move him in case it falls our direction!” The toad and shy guy nodded, and the three began dragging the Chuck further out of harms way. It proved to be just in time as well, as with a resounding series of _CRASHES_ , the stadium buckled and collapsed inward, though with a not insignificant amount of debris shooting out in their direction from the implosion.

Dust and smoke from fires within the stadium had by this point begun to choke the air. Luigi blinked his stinging eyes and coughed a bit as his lungs protested the lack of decent oxygen.

“Can you guys continue on your own to Toad Town?” He turned to the others. The toad looked to the Shy Guy who nodded confidently. “Alright. I’m going to go see if I can help anymore.” They exchanged thumbs up, and Luigi wiped his eyes before heading back into the stadium, which glowed with the light of fire within.

The green plumber almost had to fight his way upstream past the mob of panicked citizens fleeing the arena. In the distance through the haze, he caught site of Daisy supporting an almost unconscious Rosalina while simultaneously directing citizens in their escape. He briefly considered joining them, but his attention was drawn instead to the commotion in the center of the arena.

~~~

“GWAH HA HA! Throwing a PARTY without me, Mario? Now that’s just bad manners!” Bowser the Koopa King greeted his rival from the deck of a hovering gunship, with the same completely unfounded confidence he did every other time. A malicious toothy grin graced his features as he considered the peeved expression on the face of the red plumber before him.

“You _were_ invited. And we all know the invitation reached you. Kamek came to participate.” Mario gestured to the magikoopa riding a broom nearby with an unenthusiastic levitating Princess Peach in toe.

“Did he, or was he just executing Phase 1 of my brilliant invasion plan?” Bowser leered.

“Your plan to… invade a party you were already invited to?”

“MY INVASION WAS ALREADY A THING BEFORE YOUR PARTY!” Bowser roared. Mario sighed. It was Tuesday. He should have known better. The pointed look a bound and gagged Peach was giving him from next to Kamek reminded him that she HAD known better.

“What makes you think this time is going to go any different than ALL the other times?” Mario eventually asked, stalling for time as he considered his options for a route up to the airship. There was a small still-standing pile of debris nearby. If he could get enough of a boost off it, he might be able to grab onto to a cannon and wall jump the rest of the distance…

“Because this time I’ve realized what I have that you don’t.” Bowser declared. Mario rolled his eyes.

“And what’s that?”

“At least two pairs of hands working for me!” The Koopa King smirked, before pulling a lever on the mast nearby. The undercarriage of the airship opened, and a giant crane appeared, lowering what looked suspiciously like a large metal tank onto the remains of the party board. It landed with a _thunk_ and was immediately followed by a hissing decompression sound before locks disengaged and a portion of the container fell away. A generous portion of cold vapor escaped, obscuring the contents for the most part, however Mario’s eyes widened as he immediately recognized a rapidly unfreezing twitching appendage belonging to what had been contained in the tank.

“There’s only one of you, so it’s your choice, Mario!” Bowser laughed. “You can come after me and the princess and let our alien friends loose on the Mushroom Kingdom again… or I’ll see you in a week or however long it takes you to get past all my def-!” Bowser’s speech was interrupted abruptly as a disgustingly slimy half thawed shroob collided with him and knocked him off his feet, after having been thrown from the ground.

Mario had seized the blaster the shroob had before he spun and flung the alien in Bowser’s direction, and he swiftly took aim and fired at the Koopa Trooper piloting the ship Bowser was on. It wasn’t a fatal shot, but it was enough to cause the koopa to fall back on the wheel heavily, steering the ship on a collision course with the ground. As the airship careened, Mario threw the blaster down, took a running start and leaped off the remaining almost conscious shroob’s head to barely grab onto the edge of the airship. As he hoisted himself up, he was witness to an infuriated Bowser burning the former offending shroob projectile to a crisp.

“You’re as dead as this alien, plumber!” Bowser turned, full of fury, to where Mario was regaining his footing. Mario stretched his neck slightly in preparation for the incoming charge, but was rewarded instead with a bellowed “KAMEK!!!” At the responding sound of a spell, Mario reflexively leaped into a backflip to avoid the magikoopa’s attack from behind… but was surprised to see a spell instead miss him by a mile and embed itself into the mast, splintering the wood and causing the pole to teeter dangerously.

Both an annoyed Bowser and a pleasantly surprised Mario turned to look in the direction of the magikoopa.

The shot had in actuality been a misfire. The magikoopa himself was locked in battle with… a green Mario?

“Kamek, you _figlio di puttana_ , what did you do to me?!” Luigi yelled angrily, as he hung on desperately to the broom while also fighting with one hand for control of the magikoopa’s wand.

“I don’t even know who you are!!” Kamek protested, trying desperately to retain control of the flying device and shove the strange man off.

“Yeah, and I’m getting REALLY TIRED of that!” The green plumber rocked backwards to gain momentum before swinging upwards legs first, completely kicking Kamek off the broom. Luigi exclaimed triumphantly as the magikoopa plummeted towards the ground before landing with a satisfying _whump_.

“Who the hell is that?” Bowser asked Mario, confusion making his nonappealing face even more contorted than usual. The red plumber didn’t answer him, but was instead trying to process his equal amounts of shock and gratitude at the appearance of… Luigi wasn’t it? Yeah, that was his name. The green plumber had regained control of the broom, and turned slightly to raise a triumphant thumbs up and a tentative smile towards the airship.

That was when Mario noticed Princess Peach floating away from the broom and to the airship where a pair of koopas secured her. Mario’s head snapped to look at the ground where he saw the culprit still had his wand, and was preparing another spell.

“No! Go! Get Out of the Way!!” Mario yelled, waving for the green man opposite him to get clear of the impending danger. Luigi evidently could not hear him clearly, and merely tilted his head, confused at the red plumber’s gesturing. Behind him, Bowser chuckled.

“Gonna let your new doppelgänger die then? Shame. I could think of at _least_ 256 uses for him.”

Mario looked at the leering face of his enemy for a brief moment, before swearing under his breath in Italian, backing up and taking a running long jump off the airship. He knocked a wide-eyed Luigi horizontally off the broom just in time for the raging fireball from below to immolate only the levitating piece of wood left behind. The two landed on the ground hard, and rolled a few feet for good measure. As a dazed Mario disentangled himself from an even more dazed Luigi, he saw Kamek grabbing onto a lowered rope ladder across the field. The airship then lifted off into the night as Bowser laughed in their direction.

“See you soon, Plumber! Bring your new friend! I could use more of his ‘help’ any day!”

Mario watched them go, hands balled into fists. Then he turned to the offending stranger in question, who had regained his own footing and was standing nearby, gloved hands clasped and wearing an expression of nervous shame. They both knew he had gotten in the way.

“Mario, I-”

“Why are you here?” Mario cut across the apology, and directly to his former question with a frown.

“W-what?” Luigi stammered. “I told you, I needed to speak to Princess Peach…”

“No I meant, why are you here NOW? Why didn’t you evacuate with all the other citizens?” Mario’s foot was tapping the ground. Luigi swallowed nervously, recognizing his brother’s rarely seen tell for anger.

“I… thought you might need some help…”

“Yeah, you sure helped me here.” Mario scowled. Luigi winced.

“Bowser and Kamek were double teaming you. You can’t do everything alone!” The green plumber argued.

“I can and I have. And I was doing fine tonight until you showed up. I even had the shroobs well in hand…” at the mention of the aliens, Mario stopped and glanced around. The large metal container Bowser had dropped near them was notably empty, with no trace of its other former occupant in sight within the crumbling stadium. “Great. Now there’s a potential alien infestation to deal with.”

“Mario… I’m sorry.” Luigi tried to apologize again. Mario sighed.

“Look, I get that you were trying to help. But this sort of thing requires years of training and physical prowess and…”

“I’m experienced! And I’m in better shape than you!” The green plumber protested. “I was just caught off guard – I promise it won’t happen again-”

“No, it won’t.” Mario spoke firmly and his eyes were hard. “I appreciate the concern, but I don’t have time to deal with whatever issues you’re trying to resolve and… I can’t afford distractions in this line of work. I need you to stop following me.”

“Then who’s going to watch your back?”

“I don’t _need_ anyone to ‘watch my back’.”

Luigi opened his mouth to argue, but closed it again, unable to bring himself to say anything. His eyes were brimming with tears, though whether they were from the smoke or the conversation he wasn’t sure anymore.

“If you’re really sorry, please just stay out of my way.” Mario turned away and trudged towards the nearest gap in the now smoldering ruins of the stands. 

“Mario…”

The red plumber continued walking.

“Mario!”

Mario paused at the edge of the stadium, but didn’t say anything.

“Just please be safe.” Luigi pleaded. The red plumber considered this for a moment, then disappeared without another word, leaving the man in green all by himself.

~~~

As a crowd of frightened refugees flooded into Toad Town, it became apparent quickly that there was everything from minor to major injuries arriving from the stadium, not to mention the shock trauma cases, all in need of being addressed with some urgency. Toad Town boasted an impressive clinic to be sure, but it was known more for its quality rather than capacity for efficient care on a larger scale. It was quickly suggested by Princess Daisy, followed by slightly less quick indecisive waffling on the part of the Toadsworth, to convert the throne room hall of Peach’s castle into a trauma center. Eventually, when a full complement of medical staff arrived (having been told by their psychic boss earlier today to report to the castle for duty in the wee hours of the morning), the steward of the Mushroom Kingdom relented and the castle became abuzz with relief activity.

Daisy oversaw as much as Toadsworth would allow her – which actually happened to be quite a lot, since the old toad was himself in a state of shock at the news his beloved princess had been captured. Once the largest fires, both literal and figurative, had been put out however, the exhausted Sarasaland princess slumped in a chair next to the bed holding the unconscious Rosalina and dozed off for at least a few moments before…

“MASTER MARIO!”

Toadsworth’s frenzied shout nearly startled Daisy out of her chair, but instead she groggily rubbed her eyes in a probably unladylike fashion, before opening them to see the red plumber himself stomping through the heavy double doors of the throne room and a frantic Toadsworth accosting him.

“I daresay sir, what happened out there?!” Toadsworth nearly attacked Mario verbally despite being almost comatose in a state of shock moments before. Daisy stood and made her way over to join their conversation.

“Airships. It was a full out military attack. The stadium was leveled.”

“And the princess?!”

Mario looked defeated. “It _is_ Tuesday.” He said, scratching the back of his head apologetically.

“I hardly think that’s an excuse, sir! The princess’s safety should be your highest priority!”

“I know, I know.” Mario agreed, unhappily. “I’ll set out first thing tomorrow morni… today, as soon as it’s light.” He amended, glancing at a nearby clock. Daisy realized she had never seen the red plumber look quite so exhausted before… but she was sure she was no picnic to look at right now either.

“Hmph” Toadsworth look displeased at the notion of a delay, but decided not to press the issue further. “I will see about getting you supplies for your journey before you leave in the morning. In the meantime, goodnight Master Mario. Princess Daisy.” He bid them farewell and retired from the throne room. Mario watched him go silently.

“No, it wouldn’t kill him to hire some other security besides you.” Daisy voiced his thoughts for him, earning her a tired smile.

“I assume you’re responsible for this?” The plumber gestured to the patients around them. “Thanks for all your help Daisy. The Mushroom Kingdom owes you one.”

“Nothing Peach wouldn’t do for Sarasaland if our situations were reversed.” Daisy dismissed his offer a favor. “You don’t look so hot though. Are you sure you’ll be alright to roll out in, what, 3 and a half hours?”

“I’ll be fine.” He yawned, looking around enviously at the nearby beds. “I always am.”

“And how did battling on two hours of sleep work for you today?” Daisy asked critically. That earned her an annoyed look.

“Lack of sleep had nothing to do with it. Bringing airships and causing a civilian crisis was a cheap shot.” Mario pointed out. “Not to mention I had everything under control if it weren’t for that green _idiota_ …” He trailed off, looking unhappy again.

“Who?”

“Oh you know,” Mario waved a gloved hand. “That green lunatic who was your ally for the end of the party. ‘ _Luigi’._ ”

“The new guy helped Bowser abscond with Peach?!” Daisy asked, shocked. She had been separated from him in the turmoil of the stadium, but last she’d seen him, he had been going the extra mile to evacuate civilians.

“He might as well have.” Mario said crossly. “He said he was trying to help me, but in the end, I had to choose whether to go after Bowser and Peach, or save him from getting himself incinerated.”

“You did choose him, right?” Daisy asked, concerned, but Mario nodded tersely. She then remembered the last time they had been in speaking distance before the commotion of the battle, and she nudged him playfully.

“How come you never told the rest of us you had a brother? He was kind of cute.”

“He’s NOT my brother. I’d never met him before today!” Mario told her firmly, before sitting down on the newly empty bed near them. “I just thought he was a crazy fan, but Peach and Rosalina think he might be from another dimension. All I know is I’m not buying whatever he’s selling.”

“Hmm. Well from what I saw, he seemed to know his way around hero work. At least when it came to rescuing people.” Daisy commented idly.

“Well then he can go back to his own dimension and be a hero there, where he doesn’t triple my problems with a single blunder.” Mario flopped down on the bed and stared at the arched ceiling.

Daisy looked at him thoughtfully for a moment.

“You know what your real problem is, Red?”

“No, but I have a feeling you’re about to tell me, _Orange_.”

“You don’t know how to be a team player.”

“What? I play on teams all the time!” Mario objected, sitting back up to look at her. “I literally won against YOUR team in baseball last season!”

“Yeah, YOU won. Not your team. You don’t know how to depend on anybody but yourself!” Daisy crossed her arms.

“If you’re going to say I should instead learn to depend on strange fanatics who show up from other dimensions uninvited and proceed to be indirectly responsible for Bowser’s successful raid-”

“Who have you ever had to depend on?” She interrupted, asking him.

Mario thought about it for a moment. “Peach rescued me that one time I was captured.”

“And you were perfectly content, waiting for her and trusting that she would come rescue you?”

“…not really, no…” He muttered, looking down. “What does any of this have to do with the dimension hopper?”

“He showed up to help you-”

“And failed, inadvertently helping Bowser.” Mario interrupted her as payback. She glared at him before continuing.

“-but you think because no one comes close to the competency of your skills that inevitably the rest of us are better off sitting on the sidelines while you work yourself to death.” Daisy finished with an air of judgment.

“Hey, I don’t think that…” Mario protested. “I would love to have some competent help once in a while, but I just don’t want to complicate things by putting more people who aren’t prepared in danger.”

“Uh huh.” The Sarasaland princess was a master of indicating just how skeptical she was at any given moment.

“Honest!”

“Well put your money where your mouth is then plumber. I assume you’d agree that I’m ‘competent’?” She raised an eyebrow at him.

“Now hang on, Daisy…” Mario immediately saw where this was going.

“If you want to prove you can be a team player, let me join you tomorrow on the rescue mission.”

“Come on, don’t be ridiculous Daisy!” Mario looked uncomfortable. “You’ve had a lot of bad ideas, but putting another head of state in danger to save a first is definitely in competition for the worst. What about the people of Sarasaland? They’d never approve of you risking your life unnecessarily!”

“Well happily, my people aren’t here. And I’m on vacation for a week.” Daisy smiled an unforgiving smile.

“But Bowser-”

“Bowser schmowser! I’m not afraid of him, and you and I both know I could take him in a fight, easy!” Daisy steamrolled his objection with her unshakeable confidence. She poked him squarely in the chest. “No more excuses. Balls to the wall, plumber boy. Are you or are you not a team player?” 

Mario felt the tangible need to squirm under her gaze, but there was nowhere to run. So instead he rubbed his mustache awkwardly.

“I… guess you can come.” He glanced up at her just in time to see the sweet victory in her eyes. She hid it swiftly though, and simply smiled at him.

“Well alright then. I guess I’ll see you in 3 hours, _partner_. Best get some shuteye in the meantime, while you can.” Daisy continued to grin like a fiend, and gave him a mock salute before turning to leave. “Oh we’re gonna have a GREAT time!” She merrily told a nearby toad as she departed up the stairs to the private quarters Peach kept permanently put aside for her.

Mario grabbed the nearby pillow and stifled his groan with it as he fell back onto the bed.

Why was every part of the established normal falling to pieces now?


	7. Pick Your Team

Daisy woke promptly to the sound of Toad Town’s clocktower chiming 7:00 AM. The half-asleep princess yawned widely as she sat up, trying unsuccessfully to cling to the last scraps of a pleasant dream that had involved dancing with someone she didn’t know. Her brain instead presented her with the additional unwanted information that the bells of aforementioned clocktower were proceeding to chime unnecessarily 4 more times. Realizing the actual time, Daisy let out a very unladylike word and leapt from her bed. 

Traditionally, princesses had to spend a decent amount of time getting ready before appearing in front of anyone. But sometimes representing the dignity of a nation just had to take a backseat to setting an all-time record for getting dressed and making it out of the royal guest chambers (now clocking in at 2:56).

Compared to the previous night, there were quite a few less people in Peach’s Castle when Daisy dashed down the final staircase before coming to a screeching halt in the sunlit throne room. It looked as if the majority of citizens and guests alike had departed for their own homes in the wake of the disastrous public event. Amidst the stragglers and remaining relief workers, Daisy spotted Toadsworth conversing with a strange-looking toad that must have been the famed Dr. Toadley himself. Judging by the displeased and downright flustered looks on the two toads’ respective faces, they were discussing something in the realm of financial compensation. On the other side of the room, equally difficult not to notice, were several glowing figures hovering anxiously around a now-conscious Rosalina.

The one person Daisy was looking for, however, clearly was not here.

“That son of a…” Daisy muttered, but was forced to bite her tongue when she heard her own name called out.

“You must be Princess Daisy!”

The princess turned slightly to find herself facing a floating yellow orb, with shoes to boot.

“Hello Yellow! I’m Starlow, representative of the star sprites!” The floating ball with a smile greeted her cheerily. “I’m also a friend of Mario’s!”

“It’s nice to meet you Starlow.” Daisy returned the greeting as politely as she could, despite her impatience. “I don’t suppose you’ve seen your ‘friend’ this morning…?”

“I have! In fact, Mario told me you would be joining us today!” The star sprite kicked her feet cheerfully. Daisy let out a sigh of relief she wasn’t aware she had been holding.

“Joining… us?” She then intoned, surprised.

“That’s right! I’m Mario’s de facto guide on some of his more longwinded and plot-heavy adventures – and sometimes I can offer some stellar magical support. You didn’t think he did everything by himself, did you?” She smiled.

“He certainly didn’t correct me when I assumed as much.” Daisy returned the knowing smile. “But speaking of, where is our fearless leader?”

“Ah. Mario said to let you know he departed early for his house in order to get a change of clothes and some other supplies with the coin Toadsworth gave him.” Starlow informed her. “He left some time ago so he’ll probably be back shortly…”

“Well, if you’re ready, I say we might as well get going.” Daisy told her new companion, and moved confidently in the direction of the door. “No sense in making him double back for us when we can meet him at his place! You know where it is?”

“Mario’s house?” A passing toad carrying a box of medical supplies slowed, hearing their conversation. “It’s at the end of the road straight out of town. You can’t miss it!”

“Then I guess we’re set.” Daisy opened the door gesturing for the star sprite to go first. Starlow hesitated for a moment, but ultimately followed the princess’s lead.

The two set off along the road out of Toad Town making as good of time as could be made having started 4 hours late. The sun was approaching its peak at noon and the summer air was thick with heat and the sound of buzzing bugs. None of this bothered Daisy however, who was used to the much higher temperatures of her desert homeland.

“So, a star sprite huh?” Daisy asked, glancing at her companion at length. “You come to the mushroom kingdom often?”

“For most major political shindigs, yup!” Starlow informed her. “The Mushroom Kingdom has had a close relationship with the stars of Star Road for as long as I can remember, but it wasn’t official politically until more recently when Princess Peach extended the opportunity for us to participate in her council of leaders. That’s where I come in!”

Daisy found this information interesting, considering previously she had assumed Sarasaland was one of the Mushroom Kingdom’s closest allies… and yet she couldn’t recall being invited to any ‘political shindigs’ that she had noticed a star sprite attending. Then again, despite Sarasaland’s ruler being exceptionally fond of the Mushroom Kingdom and its inhabitants, Sarasaland itself was quite a ways away compared to closer allies such as the Beanbean Kingdom… or threats such as the Koopa Kingdom for that matter.

“The Mushroom Kingdom always has been a bit more _magical_ than my homeland.” Daisy acknowledged, continuing the conversation. “After we were invaded by aliens back in the day, we ended up using most of the remnants of their technology to advance our own. I think we’re probably a bit more dependent on science than magic nowadays.”

“It must be working out for you, since I never hear about you getting captured.” Starlow smiled brightly.

“We also don’t have Bowser and his lot living next door.” Daisy laughed. “So does Mario have a special way to call you for assistance or…?”

“Nah, in the past mostly it’s just been luck that I was around to offer my services when things went south.” Starlow explained, before her expression grew more serious. “But early this morning Star Road received a message from Rosalina asking someone to check in on the Observatory in her absence. After we dispatched a bunch for her request, a few others decided to come check on her additionally, and I decided to join them and see what was what. It only took one conversation with Mario for me to confirm there’s definitely some fishy plot going on this time.” The star sprite tittered a jingling laugh.

“Oh? What’d he say?” Daisy asked, confused.

“It’s not what he said, it’s what he DIDN’T say, if you know what I mean.” Starlow winked. “Oh! It looks like we’re here!” The star sprite stopped as they reached the end of the path as directed and came upon a quaint house with a red roof. Without breaking her stride, Daisy marched up to the front door and rapped on it sharply, only to be surprised that the door pushed inward without much effort.

“Mario! We’re here!” She called, peeking around the door. She heard a muffled exclamation inside, then a voice she didn’t recognize called

“Come in!”

Daisy wasn’t sure what she had been expecting Mario’s place to look like, but it was definitely not the disastrous mess that lay before them. For some reason all his things were piled… well, best not to critique other people’s houses when they aren’t expecting guests, the princess supposed.

The man himself was seated at his kitchen table facing a large mess of tools, most notable of which was a large golden headed hammer that he was clearly working on. Mario’s hair was still damp from the shower and his overalls were at his waist as he worked.

“Have a nice beauty sleep?” The red plumber asked her with a playful spark in his eye as he glanced up. Daisy was briefly taken aback – the voice she had heard at the door was in fact his. It cracked and rasped awfully, sounding like perhaps someone had stolen all the air from his lungs. It took her a moment to come up with a witty response in her surprise.

“Very funny. You know you could’ve come and at least tried to wake me before you left.” She said miffed.

“Nah, I’m afraid I’m a little unprepared myself. The extra time suited us both.” The red plumber rasped again, coughing slightly before gesturing to the hammer.

“Dude, what is up your voice? Are you sure you’re well enough to go out today?” Daisy asked, concerned. Behind her Starlow snickered again, and Mario gave the sprite a pointed look.

“I didn’t realize this is your first time in the Mushroom Kingdom during a Class 3 Bowser Activity.” Starlow chuckled humorously. “So it makes sense you wouldn’t know… Mario is allergic to evil plots!”

“Allergic… to plot?” Daisy deadpanned. Mario rolled his eyes and went back to work.

“Well that’s what I call it. He tends to lose his voice pretty severely when we get into these sorts of adventures. The more complicated and convoluted, the worse it gets. Which does make it handy to detect when something really shady is going on.” Starlow explained, casting an eye over her charge thoughtfully. “My best guess is it was a curse that was cast on him when he was a baby to stop him from crying since _apparently_ he was an adventure magnet even back then. But… well, now it’s just one of the biggest reason I come along – to help speak for him. Star sprites are pretty much universally understood everywhere, so that helps with translation also!”

“I… honestly can’t believe I never knew that about you Mario.” Daisy commented, feeling almost awkward about her lack of knowledge about her friend.

“I can still say a bit. Just no Shakespeare.” His voice cracked on the last word again. 

“What does shaking spears have to do with anything?”

“Forget it.” Mario stood and hefted the hammer in front of him. He backed away from the table and took a few swings. The hammer head promptly flew off on the third swing, crashing through the window. Mario sighed. 

“It needs a real smith.” He said, looking at it sadly.

“Well, you know how these adventures go. We’ll probably pickup new ones along the way anyway.” Starlow shrugged, and took the handle shaft from him comfortingly, before tossing it away into another pile. There was the distinct sound of breaking china, causing both sprite and plumber to cringe.

“And uh…no offense, but your house needs the attention of a real housekeeper as well.” The star sprite added, equal parts guilty and unhelpful. Mario frowned, but looking around, was unable to debate this.

In the midst of this Daisy had wandered over to his kitchen and opened the fridge to preview breakfast options. After not much thought she had selected a slice of cold pizza and had already taken her first bite when Mario noticed her.

“Hey! By all means help yourself to my lunch!” He told her sarcastically, scowling slightly.

“Sorry. I missed breakfast. I promise I’ll buy you a whole new one when we rescue Peach.” Daisy reasoned with a smile and went to collect a plate from the cabinet. It swiftly became obvious that there were no clean ones available. To her credit, Daisy merely shrugged and proceeded to the table anyway, but an embarrassed Mario had apparently had enough.

“Ok, nope. Out. Out of the house!” The Italian plumber stopped the princess from sitting, and shooed both her and the star sprite out the front door. On his way, he grabbed his hat from the hook near the door and then pulled the door shut behind them. As he pulled his overalls the rest of the way up and buttoned them, he cast an eye over his new princess companion, who was still chewing her cold stiff prize contentedly.

“You’re sure about wearing that into combat?” Mario’s voice wheezed slightly as looked critically at her gown. 

“Hey. I hated dresses when I was little. The fact I like this one is character development.” Daisy told him proudly. He rolled his eyes again. “Anyway,” she continued down the steps, before turning and lunging a knee out on the steps to show off her shoes. “I swapped my usual heels for combat boots so I think I’ll be better than ok!”

“Wow. Those are both stylish and practical!” Starlow remarked, appreciably. Daisy beamed at her.

“Why, thank you! Good to know not everyone on this team is devoid of style!”

In the back of his mind a familiar voice that he couldn’t quite place reminded Mario that rolling his eyes excessively would get them stuck like that.

“Alright, alright. Let’s get this fashion show on the road.”

~~~

“Professor, what ARE you doing?”

An exhausted, miserable green plumber trudged into the main laboratory, essentially trying to wipe his eyes right out of his head to avoid the searing fluorescent light. There had been a very specific reason Luigi had built his own accommodations to stay at whenever he aided E. Gadd, and that reason had apparently not changed in the slightest despite his muddled existential predicament. Whatever mediocre rest could be achieved in the underground bunker laboratory was bound to be interrupted, typically sooner rather than later. The professor, for his part, never seemed to need sleep like a normal person. Rather than entertaining the frightening possibility E. Gadd wasn’t human, Luigi had (some time ago) instead come to the equally logical conclusion that the eccentric scientist had probably replaced all of his own blood with espresso.

After the previous evening’s nightmarish attack on the stadium and his brother’s firm dismissal, Luigi had returned to the lab, quite literally having nowhere else to go. Judging by his splitting headache and bleary eyes, sleep had only come through a myriad of tears. Truth be told though, he could barely remember the rest of the night in his state of shock at all his fears of abandonment coming true. This morning… well, afternoon… he felt numb mostly. But even that sense of detachment couldn’t prevent his curiosity and annoyance at being woken up by a horrendous slamming noise that echoed throughout the bunker.

In the test chamber before him, Luigi quickly found the source of the slamming as he was greeted by the sight of a giant… hammer… attached to a number of mechanical devices that appeared to facilitate its operation. 

“Ah Luigi!” The scientist responsible was on the far side of the room writing on a clipboard. “I’m glad you’re up. I know yesterday didn’t go as planned, but science waits for no man.”

As the green plumber looked on, E. Gadd pulled a lever and the hammer began to rise slowly from its down swung position to reveal a familiar green sticky substance clinging to it.

“Professor!” Luigi cried, dismayed as he recognized exactly what the stuff was. “Is that Gooigi?!!?!”

Gadd looked up, and smiled proudly. “Indeed it is! Or I suppose, _he_ is. After I got some stimulus response out of the goo batch I cooked up yesterday, I decided to go ahead and feed it your pixelation signature just as the my notes from your timeline suggested. Now I’m just confirming a few test data, but he’s responding marvelously!”

Sure enough as the gooey substance dripped off the hammer, it suddenly sprang upright with a small ‘ _H̸̅ơ̷̒͂h̶̄͊̈́͐ỏ̷̯̽͘͠!’_ into a familiar slightly wobbly green form.

When Luigi first met Gooigi he remembered having to consciously refrain from recoiling in disgust and/or horror. E. Gadd crossed a lot of lines the green plumber would rather him not, but the gooey clone had been a new depth of discomfort to come to terms with. Gradually however, Luigi had learned to appreciate the green doppelganger. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Or something like that.

Upon spotting his human counterpart, Gooigi tilted his head slightly before giving him a thumb’s up, which Luigi was about to return when the hammer came slamming down again, crushing the gelatinous figure.

“PROFESSOR!”

“Hmm?”

“Why are you torturing him?!?!?” Luigi asked, horrified.

“Not torturing. Testing! The limits of his functionality were pretty well detailed in this notebook, but I figured it would be worthwhile to confirm everything was up to expectation.” E. Gadd remarked, looking more at the notebook than the Geneva Convention violation he was committing. The scientist absentmindedly reached to pull the lever again only to find an insistent green plumber had crossed the room and had taken over the controls of the hammer.

Luigi raised the hammer. In front of them, Gooigi dripped into a puddle slowly, before eventually springing up into his form once more. Luigi locked the hammer into place and flipped the safety on – giving E. Gadd a death glare for good measure – before he hopped over the control panel to join his ectoplasmic clone.

“Hey buddy!” Luigi greeted the green figure cautiously. “I know we haven’t met but, I’m Luigi. I’m sure we’re gonna be pretty good frien-”

“ _M̴̬̾̈-m̶̳͒ar̵͙̃io̸̲͆_!” The green figure gurgled happily at Luigi, causing the plumber to stop short. He had been the one to teach Gooigi to say that; or rather, the gooey clone had picked it up following Luigi’s example as he trudged through not one but two separate haunted establishments searching for his brother with the abomination in tow. Gooigi had at first simply mimicked Luigi, but had then gone on to mistakenly associate the name with Luigi himself. Mario had been exceptionally amused at Luigi’s subsequent attempts to un-program the word from his gooey clone’s vocabulary – and the green plumber never had succeeded, though he had been beginning to suspect Gooigi might have developed the capacity to be messing with him.

Regardless, it hardly explained how this newly created Gooigi knew the word. And it’s association to Luigi.

“You remember me?” Luigi asked, feeling his heart race again at the question.

“H̸̅ơ̷̒͂h̶̄͊̈́͐ỏ̷̯̽͘͠! I d̵̲́͛͒͘o̸͐ i̵̔́̄̕t!” Came the bubbling response, and another thumbs up. Gooigi then promptly formed the Poltergust G-00 on his back, and fired a plunger to stick to the top of an astonished Luigi’s head.

“He remembers me!” Luigi was delighted, and went to hug his gooey counterpart. It was a bit like hugging a melting snowman, and he came away from the embrace sufficiently slimier than he started. As he stood back, Luigi held up a glove for a high five. They had been working on that particular maneuver when they last parted. Predictably, Gooigi missed again and hit Luigi in the face, causing the plumber to once again suspect intentional foul play.

“Curious!” E. Gadd exclaimed, having started paying attention to the interaction instead of his scribbles. “He has some knowledge of your timeline! Well I suppose I should have expected as much, given we used your pixelation signature, and you remember your timeline obviously.”

“You know, there was a boo at the party that also seemed to remember me.” Luigi said, rubbing his stinging nose. E. Gadd hmmed at this new information.

“Ah yes, that is to be expected also. Ghosts are supernatural creatures, sometimes with vastly different grasp of dimensional reality altogether. We’re in this mess to start with because I, or rather your timeline’s version of me, sent my notebook to the paranormal dimension to preserve some of this data from existential tampering. If the book made it to today with information on you, it’s likely so did the ghosts that were keeping it company for a month or so.”

“The boo also said that King Boo had put a bounty on my head.” Luigi continued, suddenly concerned. He frowned. “But last I remember, we had King Boo locked up for the THIRD and final time!”

“Third…?” E. Gadd paused. “Now see, that’s strange. I remember selling King Boo at a garage sale, mostly because I got $256 for him… but I never can seem to remember capturing him in the first place. And I remember being invited to a hotel where he was stolen once again out of my collection but then… well, to be quite honest I was beginning to think my age and knocks in the line of work had begun to catch up with me in the form of memory loss. But if what you’re saying is true…” The scientists drifted off in thought.

“Yeah, but where is King Boo now?” Luigi tried to bring the conversation back to the important part. E. Gadd refocused and waved a hand dismissively.

“I have no idea. But as long as he’s not causing trouble, we have other priorities to worry about. Like the unfrozen Shroob you mentioned last night when you stormed in in a state of delirium.” Gadd held a finger up, and proceeded to lead the way out of the test chamber. Gooigi immediately followed his creator, leaving Luigi to trail behind unhappily thinking about being hunted by ghosts as some form of evil reverse karma.

To the green plumber’s surprise, E. Gadd did not turn right to head back to the computer lab, but instead led them left all the way down the hall to the old storage room Luigi had been planning to tackle the organization of sometime in the distant future, back when things had been normal enough to plan for and then procrastinate tasks. Luigi turned the lights on as the professor rooted around in some of the indistinguishable mess of inventions and other junk.

Though he usually knew better, Luigi couldn’t help but poke around curiously as he waited. On a shelf opposite to the professor, the plumber gently wiped some dust off some sort of backpack that featured a water tank and nozzle. At his touch the device jerked to life, causing Luigi to jump back, startled.

“POWER-UP REINITIALIZED. SCANNING AND CLASSIFYING SUBJECT DATA... SUBJECT... NOT FOUND.” A droning voice echoed out of the nozzle. Luigi glanced anxiously towards the scientist for help.

“A ha! Here he is!” E. Gadd had produced a large leather-bound suitcase, and held it up for the plumber to see. It was beat-up and pretty unremarkable other than that, but it seemed slightly familiar nonetheless.

“SECONDARY SUBJECT IDENTIFIED AS CREATOR. PRO-FESSOR. IT HAS BEEN AGES SINCE I HAVE SEEN THE SUN.” The device next to Luigi pleaded monotonously in the direction of the scientist.

“Maybe later!” E. Gadd told it cheerfully, grabbing Luigi by the arm, pulling him outside the room and slamming the door behind them. They returned to the server room, Gooigi’s squelching footsteps the only real noise beyond the hum of the variety of machines. E. Gadd placed the suitcase unceremoniously on top of a few keyboards before rooting around beneath the desk for a cable that he then plugged into the case.

“Back in the day when I relied mostly on raw star power for field inventions, I had a bad habit of swapping stars out from some inventions when I needed a portable power source for others. You know, like taking batteries out of one remote in order to use them in another… it’s never a good idea. Don’t fall for the temptation.” E. Gadd told Luigi seriously as he typed a few commands into his console, and then wheeled over to the wall to flip a giant breaker. A surge of power coursed through the cable attached to the suitcase, which promptly yelled.

“YEOWCH! Watch the leather professor!”

Luigi did a small double take as the suitcase came to life before him, standing up on two legs and an anthropomorphic face appearing on its side.

“Stuffwell! Glad to see you’re somewhat functioning.” E. Gadd greeted him happily. “Can you run a full diagnostics for me?” The suitcase’s ‘eyes’ appeared to go blank, and a myriad of numbers and symbols scrolled across the screens that remained.

“Artificial Intelligence…………………………………………………………………………… Operating at 100%.

Sensor Array……………………………………………………………………………………… Operating at 99%.

Protective Padding……………………………………………………………………………… Operating at 97%.

Warpulator………………………………………………………………………………………… Operating at ~~Y~~ %.

Physical Storage ………………………………………………………………………………… Capacity at 8%.

Informatory Databanks………………………………………………………………………… Capacity at 74%.

Encryption………………………………………………………………………………………… Integrity at 100%.

Power Levels……………………………………………………………………………………… Currently at 13%. Rising.” Stuffwell rattled off vocally. Eventually his eyes became normal again, and he focused on the two humans before him.

“How long was I offline, Professor? And who is this?” The suitcase inquired, curious. Luigi sighed.

“According to this, you’ve been offline for 12 years, 9 months, and 12 days.” E. Gadd informed him, while gently forcing him to lie down again. The professor grabbed a nearby toolset and cracked the suitcase open before getting to work. “Could you run me a data integrity check?”

“Integrity at………..13…27…22…25.699985666666666%. Detecting significant logical fallacies in historical transcripts.” Stuffwell stammered. The suitcase returned to normal once more, but looked extremely concerned by his own admisssions.

“Hmmm. Just as I had begun to suspect.” E. Gadd said thoughtfully looking at the readout on his own screen.

“Is something… the matter with me Professor?” Stuffwell asked almost timidly.

“No, not you. Our friend here seems to have been involved in some significant damaging event to the timeline. This is Luigi by the way. You’ll be helping him track down some aliens once again, among other things.”

“Pleased to meet you. I am known Stuffwell!” The suitcase turned to Luigi, causing the scientist working on his insides to tsk slightly.

“Nice to meet you too-.” Luigi began but was interrupted by E. Gadd.

“Oh, don’t patronize him.” E. Gadd told the plumber, reaching for a soldering iron. “The more he knows up front, the better his quantum algorithms can help us reach a consensus about your predicament.” The scientist directed his attention back to the suitcase. “Stuffwell, Luigi here already knows who you are – he has been erased from our timeline, and subsequently your databanks as well. Your secondary task, after assisting with the returning Shroob threat is to evaluate the structural damage to our spacetime as a result of this conundrum, and if possible, determine the cause.”

“Ah. That is the source of my discrepancies.” Stuffwell surmised, before turning once more to Luigi. “My apologies for being unable to recall your acquaintance. I am sure we made an excellent team, and look forward to reestablishing such a synergism.” He told the plumber, who brightened visibly at the kind words. 

“That’s alright. My own brother doesn’t remember me either.” He said, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. If he was being completely honest, Luigi may have slightly forgotten about Stuffwell as well. Still, he couldn’t help but recall being treated better by the suitcase than his subsequent yellow replacement...

“So, I am to understand the Shroobs have returned? And my primary instructional is to deal with them once more?” Stuffwell directed his question towards E. Gadd, despite not being able to turn and look at the man.

“Returned is a bit premature. Left over is closer to the mark.” E. Gadd corrected him. “But given the grasp of spacetime manipulation the aliens seemed to have, it would behoove us to act quickly before they escalate an already complicated situation.”

“Affirmative on that, professor.” Stuffwell seemed to be in agreement. “But what is our plan of action exactly? Last time I traced the Cobalt Star’s signature, which made it fairly easy to find alien activity.”

“Oh I don’t think it will be particularly hard to find our missing alien this time either.” E. Gadd said with an unfortunate smile. “After all, if you were alone after waking up in a world that didn’t recognize you with no way to call home, what would be the first thing you would do?” The scientist looked meaningfully at Luigi. Realization dawned on the plumber’s face.

“It’s going to go for its friends in the freezer!” He breathed, fearfully. “Bowser’s castle will be invaded from the inside!”

~~~

“You’re quieter than usual.”

Bowser’s gruff voice shook Peach from her muddled thoughts. She looked up to find the Koopa King watching her inside her throne-side cage, a mildly uninterested expression on his face. She met his gaze calmly.

“Contrary to whatever absurd idea you may have of my day-to-day schedule, I actually do have a life outside of you kidnapping me.” Peach told him. Ten years ago, the words would have been hostile, and a show of inner strength despite her predicament. Today they had the tone of a particularly emphasized eyeroll, despite the fact the princess herself was too polite to sink to such a level.

“Come on, Princess, we both know you plan your week to accommodate these escapades.” Bowser said with a snort. “Though the party last night was a bit of a new disrespectful low.”

“Disrespectful? You were invited!”

“I swear, it’s almost like you and that red idiot don’t know how to take a threat seriously anymore…” The King continued, disgruntled.

“Our intention was to have a good time in the spirit of competition. I would’ve thought that would appeal to even you, Bowser.” Peach sighed.

“Hah! Well you’re not wrong. I DO enjoy dominating the competition!” Bowser laughed. “But sometimes work has to come before pleasure. And I needed to check off our little quality time rendezvous off early this week.”

“Oh? And why’s that?” Peach asked, curious despite herself. Thus far the kidnapping had progressed as typically as any other. She had been allowed to spend the night in her usual room, a modest but decently furnished living arrangement that the koopas now kept prepared for her 24/7. Honestly, it was pretty much a home away from home at this point. As the morning passed into afternoon however, she had been brought to the throne room earlier than anticipated – as that was a move usually reserved for when Mario was closing in on the castle. But the red plumber was always testing his own speed limits, so it wasn’t entirely unprecedented that he might be attempting to set a record rescue this time…

At the end of Bowser’s throne room, one half of the massive double door creaked open, and a familiar magikoopa hurried into the room.

“You’ll see soon enough. Just sit tight and try not to embarrass me in front of this lunatic, ok?”

For a moment Peach thought Bowser was talking about Kamek, but as the old magikoopa neared the throne and bowed, he merely said. ‘He’s here, your awfulness.’

“Let him in.”

Instead of returning to the door, Kamek pulled his wand from within his robes and waved it around his head once. Immediately the majority of the torches that lit the throne room went out, save for the two nearest Bowser’s throne. Despite the fact it was hardly 5 o’clock, Peach became conscious of the fact the sky outside the windows was unnaturally dark for the time of day.

The blue robed koopa in front of them proceeded to tap his wand on the floor. From the point of contact, magic spiraled outward across the horizontal surface, and up the pillars and walls as it reached them, an effervescent glow lingering behind in a series of lines and circles here and there, as well as an assortment of symbols.

With another wave of the wand, the sigils lifted themselves off the walls and floor, and dissipated. Kamek bowed his head after this performance, clearly more than a little tired, then moved to Bowser’s righthand, the opposite side of the throne from where Peach was imprisoned.

There was silence for a moment, wherein Bowser huffed impatiently. Then a crack of lightning outside and a laugh that made Peach’s skin crawl.

And suddenly before them was a boo. Not just any boo. A big boo. Atop its head sat an enormous jeweled crown.

“King Boo.” Bowser did not sound thrilled about his guest. “Here to finally bend the knee?”

“Bowser.” The boo leered a return greeting, with none of the respect. “When I find some spare knees, you’ll be the first to know.”

“What do you want?” Bowser cut to the chase. Two glittering purple eyes flicked in Peach’s direction, making her shiver.

“Nothing you currently possess.”

“Then why did you demand an audience?”

“It’s not about what you can do for me, Koopa. It’s about what _I_ can do for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The "Official" Bowser Crisis Scale:  
> Class 1 - Normal Activity  
> Class 2 - Dedicated Construction/Preparation has been observed.  
> Class 3 - Princess Has Been Kidnapped  
> Class 4 - World is in Danger from his antics.  
> Class 5 - Galaxy/Dimension is in Peril
> 
> :)


	8. Assault on Bowser's Fortress

“So that’s it, huh?”

Daisy leaned on her golf club, peering up at the towering dark grey stone castle before them. There was never too much of a foreboding silence in the approach to Bowser’s castle, as the pop and hiss of the bubbling lava all around was ever present to punctuate the ambiance. Additionally, there was almost always the distant reverb of the latest and greatest rendition of Bowser’s Favorites playlist he perpetually blasted over the fortress’s internal loudspeakers. Mario would never admit it, but the music was actually one of his favorite things about rescuing the princess.

“He’s remodeled since last time.” Starlow noted, giving the castle a critical once-over. “I’m not a fan. The lava waterfall from the mouth is just garish.”

“A bit over-the-top.” Daisy agreed. “And I can’t imagine the maintenance costs.”

“He’s got the coin.” Mario shrugged, “Not that he pays much.”

“Uh-huh. And how would you know that?” The Sarasaland princess turned to her companion. Mario gave her a small smile as he moved past her and began to lead the way up the narrow, carved bridge over the lava lake.

“What was that supposed to mean?” Daisy glanced to Starlow. The star sprite shrugged, an impressive feat for someone with no shoulders.

As the two followed swiftly, Mario came to a stop in front of an impressive iron wrought gate that blocked their path, easily 30 feet tall. The plumber stared up at the structure for a heartbeat before leaping up and beginning to scale the obstacle with an ease that only came through familiarity. Once he crested the top, he jumped down to land solidly on the other side, where upon he turned to see a bemused Daisy pushing the other side of the unlocked gate open.

“What? Some of us can’t afford to skip out on arm day.” He grinned at her.

“I think we’ll be getting plenty of exercise up ahead.” Starlow looked pointedly past him to a battery of koopa troopas pouring forth from the doors of the fortress ahead. Indistinct shouting in their direction distance could be heard and Mario roughly estimated they would be in the thick of it within the next minute.

“So, do you actually have a plan or are we just going headfirst into that?” Daisy hefted her golf club on her shoulder reflexively.

“This is the plan.” Mario glanced at his watch, voice cracking into a slight cough on the last word. He gave a curt nod to Starlow, who turned to Daisy once more.

“That’s the 5 o’clock patrol.” She explained hastily. “They leave the door unlocked so the mail can be brought in behind them, which, incidentally, we might as well bring in for him…” the star sprite looked to Mario, who snapped his fingers at the reminder, and turned to retrieve the mail from the nearby box.

“You Mushroom Kingdom-ers have the weirdest relationship with your enemies I have ever heard of.” Daisy observed as the red plumber tucked the mail into his overall breast pocket. 

“It’s not like you haven’t also gone go-karting with him every time you vacation here.” Starlow pointed out. “Bowser’s status as an enemy is… tenuous at times.”

“Yeah but that’s… I don’t know, different!” Daisy protested, exasperated. “Honestly I thought Peach mostly invited him to the parties and races as some sort of informal substitute for a real military conflict.”

“No, that’s strikers matches.” Mario corrected her. Daisy rolled her eyes and was about to come up with a witty retort when Starlow interrupted them.

“Heads up. We got company.” The sprite called out, and Princess and Hero looked up to see armored koopas closing in fast.

“Most K.O.’s buys the drinks?” Mario queried. Daisy smiled.

“Hope you’re good for your coin, plumber!”

~~~

Combat had never been Luigi’s favorite option to solve problems – the direct approach tended to be Mario’s specialty. But now, wading through God-Knows-What and having to smell God-Probably-Doesn’t-Want-To-Know-What, Luigi was beginning to wish he had opted for another route, even if it had led to conflict.

“I must say it is extremely fortuitous that you knew of this entrance to the castle. My possibility conjectures indicate that forcing an encounter with your brother would delay our progress substantially.” Stuffwell remarked happily, interrupting Luigi’s sour thoughts and simultaneously doing nothing about the sour smell that permeated the air.

“Yeah well, you aren’t wading through this… stuff.” He groused to the suitcase who was currently miniaturized and riding in his front pocket.

“Oh, quit your fussing Luigi.” E. Gadd’s voice came across the comm piece in his ear. “I thought you told me you were a plumber!”

“You do know the job of a plumber is to make sure the plumbing flows smoothly to make sure sanitation standards are observed, right?” Luigi responded. “Besides, this is supposed to be a SUPPLY pipe. That means CLEAN WATER! But it looks like Bowser hasn’t paid for any maintenance on these pipes since Mario & I laid them six years ago!”

“Am I to understand you worked on the pipes for this fortress?” Stuffwell asked, curious.

“Not just worked on, designed.” The green plumber answered him, straining slightly under the effort to trudge through the waist-high semi-solid sludge. “You ever met any other plumbers in the Mushroom Kingdom? It’s called a monopoly, and they’re illegal where we came from. Luckily, when you’re friends with the reigning monarchy, they tend to trust you not to overprice… Hmm.”

The plumber slowed to a stop as he considered the fork ahead of him with his flashlight. The pipe he had chosen as the route into Bowser’s fortress was dark, hot, and smelled unspeakable but it had two benefits that had made it the logical choice. One was that it was main supply pipe that the rest of the plumbing branched off of to various parts of the castle, which meant it was large enough to stand up in. The other was that it was a fairly direct pipe straight to largest waterworks in the castle – the boiler room. Boiler was a generous term, as there wasn’t much mechanical wonder to it beyond an extremely efficient natural lava heating system.

“Forward, I think.” Luigi said to no one in particular, before moving to trudge forward again. “If we’re where I think we are there should be an exit hatch just up ahead…”

The plumber had not taken 4 more sludgy steps before a slightly muffled screeching alarm went off. Though it made him jump, Luigi realized it was probably an alarm for Mario, making his way through the castle elsewhere and-

With a metallic sounding KA-CHUNK the bottom of the pipe under his right foot fell out from under him. In the ensuing whirlpool of sewage, Luigi found himself going under so fast he barely had time to grab a breath of rotten air. Unfortunately, that breath was promptly lost on his way down as he banged his knee, elbow, and head on the edges of the hatch as he was flushed through it, yelling in pain all the way.

It was only years of adventuring with Mario that had hardwired an extreme priority of restoring visibility in any situation that caused him to wipe the grunge from his eyes midfall, quick enough to see a pit of boiling lava waiting to receive him. He angled himself sideways as much as he could and succeeded in hitting the rim of the lava cauldron with something that sounded unhappily like a rib fracture – but he did manage to finish his exotic failure of an aerial maneuver by rolling off the rim with a groan and squelching onto a tile floor, where he lay wheezing in pain for a long moment. In his ear, his comm piece was fizzling and crackling as it died a slow electronic death.

“Well, well, looks like we finally caught a plumber with that trap, huh?” A voice other than E. Gadd’s reached Luigi’s ear from beyond the static, adding a healthy dose of panic to his pain. 

“It’s only been what, 6 years since we rigged it?” Another voice responded, unimpressed.

“Hey, don’t doubt the boss’s intellect! Bowser has a mind like a steel trap!”

“Yeah that’s why we caught this rando instead of Mario, who is, by the way, already on level 2.”

Luigi held an arm against his hopefully only bruised ribs, and scrambled up to at least a kneeling position, whereupon he found himself face to face with a couple of spears.

“Easy now. No sudden moves.” A koopa at the end of one of the spears told him slowly.

“This is all a misunderstanding.” Luigi began, racking his brain frantically for a route out - anything to work with. On a normal day he could probably take two guards in a fight. With potentially broken ribs and no equipment… it would be more of a dice roll.

“Oh, this should be good. I can’t wait to hear an explanation about why a total stranger was crawling through the plumbing.” The shy guy next to the koopa almost started laughing.

 _Total Stranger_.

“I-I’m not a stranger!” Luigi picked the thread up, trying to stand defiantly. “I’m a card-carrying member of Bowser’s Baddies, just like you. Well my card is gone with my wallet… but my ID Serial is #129182401. You can run the number!”

There were only two numbers Luigi had ever memorized successfully in his life. The first was Daisy’s cell. The second was the passcode E. Gadd’s laboratory security, which didn’t really count, since it changed frequently and he typically kept on a sticky note inside his left boot just for safety. However close seconds that he sometimes remembered accurately maybe 70% of the time were his own phone number and his army-issued minion ID for the Koopa Troop, from when Bowser had unwittingly drafted him prior to the Beanbean Kingdom expedition. 

Mario had been insanely jealous when they discovered it got them discounts in the castle vending machines.

The koopa glanced to his shy guy companion, suddenly uncertain by this turn of events. The shy guy shrugged, and pulled his spear back. “It’s an older number, but it checks out digit-wise. I’ll call it in, I guess.” He produced a radio, and moved off slightly, presumably to get a clearer signal.

“That still doesn’t explain why you were crawling through the pipes.” The koopa looked back at Luigi.

“I’m returning from a mission?” Luigi tried, and failed, to sound remotely unsuspicious.

“Which battalion do you serve under?”

Luigi racked his brain again, almost able to feel the sweat pouring out from under his hat. At least it might wash some of the sewage off.

“Sgt Guy.”

“Covert Ops?” The koopa looked surprised, and then relaxed his spear to an upright position. “You know, that actually makes sense. Wow, they really have you guys doing some messy work, huh?”

“You have no idea.” Luigi said with a weak smile.

“Oh, I think I have some idea.” The shy guy returned, glancing at his partner. “What are you doing? Point that spear back at him.” The koopa stared at him for a second, before following through, to Luigi’s disappointment.

“Number didn’t check out?” The koopa asked.

“It checked out alright.” The shy guy replied, eyeing Luigi. “But the ID was flagged. We’ve caught ourselves a deserter.”

The koopa whistled.

“Thought you could just sneak back in, huh? Shoulda known better.”

“Well, better get moving. No time like the present for a public reckoning I suppose.” The shy guy compressed the antenna on his radio and picked up his own spear and prodded Luigi gently with it, who yelped and started moving.

“Public reckoning?” Luigi questioned, rubbing his backside where the spear poked him.

“Sure, you know the fate all deserters get.” The shy guy said maliciously, probably grinning by the sound of it. Luigi swallowed, suddenly very sure he didn’t want to know.

“A personal chat with the Boss himself!”

~~~

“It still seems like an unnecessary risk to me, letting that monster into your home.”

“Come on, Princess, I’m sure you think we’re all monsters here.” Bowser leered in Peach’s direction. “I would say it’s touching you care, but I know you’re really only concerned about that mustachioed moron on his way.”

The princess was silent at his accurate read of her interest in the situation, compelling him to continue the conversation.

“Aw, cheer up. If I thought that overstuffed Marshmallow could actually defeat MY archenemy, I would never let him have the honor. We both know Mario’s kicked more ghost ass than the other way around.” Bowser laughed. “Ol’ snowball will just be a warmup for the plumber, and Mario will just be helping me humor that particularly deranged deadweight a bit in the meantime.”

Peach didn’t laugh. Bowser frowned, miffed by his unresponsive audience.

“Look, all I’m trying to do is increase my political weight in the paranormal category. There are too many boos loyal to that rogue faction. You’re smart enough to realize having them on MY schedule would help both of our kingdoms. Now if you’re not going to finish your cobbler, pass it over.”

Peach gave the remains of her dinner a cursory look, before handing it to the outstretched claw disinterestedly.

Across the considerable throne room, the door creaked open and shut again, as Kamek hurried into the room. Bowser and Peach watched in a chewing silence as the old magikoopa crossed the carpeted floor.

“Your immenseness…” he huffed, upon nearing the throne and cage next to it. “There’s been a bit of a development…”

“Let me guess, King Boo has been defeated.” Bowser monotoned.

“No, your presumptuousness… although Mario has made it to the castle, he and his companions have not made it off of level 2 yet. They are taking their time in the trampoline gravity maze.”

Peach was surprised at the mention of Mario’s companions, but her sudden interest was derailed by a much louder bark of a laughter.

“HAH! I knew that was a worthwhile investment!”

“You were saying, Kamek?” Princess Peach asked politely.

“Yes, in the meantime, Lord Bowser, we have a troop issue to resolve…” The magikoopa began cautiously.

“Troop issue? Mmmph. We haf troops, what’s the issue wif them?” Bowser cut across him, needlessly, as he took a giant bite of cobbler.

“It would seem, sire, your boiler room trap caught a deserter returning to the castle.”

“We have a boiler room trap?”

“Indeed, your forgetfulness. You had it constructed after you concluded we couldn’t trust the plumber post his completion of the new pipe system a few years back. You also had us reverse the intended functions of all the plumbing in the castle…”

“Hmph. Sounded like an obvious idea at the time. Well I guess since I don’t have anything better to do until slowpoke gets here, might as well get this over with. Bring in the deserter.

Kamek produced a wand from his sleeve and waved it in the direction of the doors. They banged open loudly to reveal a pair of guards leading a cuffed bedraggled and largely unrecognizable figure. The trio had only made it a third of the way to the throne before the smell preceded them, causing both Peach and Bowser to gag. Bowser looked accusatorily at the remains of the cobbler and threw it off to the side of the room where it shattered against the wall and landed impressively completely in a waiting trash can.

“Well you’ve put me off the rest of my dinner, so I’m already in a GREAT mood.” Bowser snarled at the approaching newcomer, who seemed to shrink more with each step. “What do you have to say for yourself? And WHY do you smell so terrible?! We have cleanliness standards around here!”

The prisoner and guards came to a stop just before throne. The bedraggled prisoner opened his mouth to speak, but Bowser held up a clawed hand.

“Nope, I really can’t stand it. Kamek, do something about the smell.”

“As you wish, your queasiness.” Kamek waved his wand and suddenly before them stood a spectacularly clean, and only slightly familiar man in green. There was a collective surprised stare before…

“Hey, I remember you!” Bowser voiced, unnecessarily. “You were that green idiot that knocked Kamek off his broom, then provided a distraction for our getaway! Mario’s doppelganger! What the hell are you doing here, in my castle?”

“He claimed he was a member of the Koopa Troop, sire.” The koopa guard to Luigi’s left informed the tyrant.

“HAH! As if I would ever make an ally of Mario’s a member of my elite troops!” Bowser laughed. Across the room, Luigi bit his lip, glancing at Peach watching him intently. There had been a lot of unusual aspects to this kidnapping, but the appearance of this newcomer was the most unforeseen yet. As Peach watched his particularly panicked expression, she almost expected to be able to hear the cogs turning in his head as he seemed to be considering his options.

“I’m… not an ally of Mario’s! I’m from another dimension, and I serve the King Bowser of that dimension with utmost loyalty!” The man in green puffed out his chest proudly. “He sent me here to warn you of a grave danger, and assist however necessary. I am honored you appreciate my, uh, covert attempts to assist with your abduction of the princess the other day, sire!”

Bowser’s jaw dropped. Stupefied was a surprisingly humanizing look for him.

“What is this threat of which you speak?” Kamek inquired.

“An invasion, sir. The aliens you set free the other day intend to free their companions.”

Kamek considered this, before turning back to Bowser.

“That was a concern I had as well when you revealed your most recent ingenious plan, my Lordship… this intruder does have unusual knowledge of both our castle’s plumbing and a conspicuous lack of history records. It’s possible he could be from another reality, and I ask that you permit me further study of…”

“You serve another me? In another dimension?!” Bowser demanded, to which Luigi nodded weakly, cowering only slightly at his volume. “That’s ridiculous. There’s only one me and I’m as ORIGINAL AS IT GETS!”

“Of course you are!” Luigi squeaked. “My Bowser is actually a huge fan of how much more original a Bowser you are. He asked me to… get your advice while I’m here. About how he can improve his image!”

“Hmph.” Bowser sniffed disdainfully. “Well he can start by getting better people to work for him.” The Koopa King’s expression shifted as an idea occurred to him. “On second thought, if you really want to prove your loyalty and redeem yourself, I have a job for you.”

“I’m really only here to assist with the Shroobs…” Luigi began, timidly, then paused at the look on Bowser’s face. “But uh, anything for you King Bowser.” He nodded fervently.

“Mario is on his way here right now, but he brought friends. Kamek here was going to guard the throne room while I prepare for our climatic showdown, but I think he could use a little help to even the odds in the numbers department. And if you make one wrong move, he’ll be more than happy to repay you for your ‘covert’ behavior on Tuesday.” Bowser grinned with menace. Kamek looked mildly miffed at the mention, but then again that was a bit of a default face for the magikoopa when Bowser wasn’t looking in his direction.

“You want me to… fight Mario for you?” Luigi paled.

“What’s the matter Green Stache? Afraid of doing your most basic civic duty as my underling?” Bowser’s gaze was hard.

“No, I just… I’m surprised you’re giving me such an… honor.” The man in green stammered out at last.

“Hmph. Well between you and fluffy, he’d better be exceptionally soft by the time he makes it to me. Now uncuff him, get all of your incompetence out of my sight.”

The guards moved forward and removed his restraints. Luigi bowed slightly, and backed up, before making a hasty exit. Peach watched him go, feeling increasingly empty inside. She wiped away a tear trickling down the side of her face.

The implication of the man in green’s appearance had been weighing heavily on her for days now. It was a poor time to get emotional about it, but she just couldn’t help it.

She wished she didn't know why this situation felt so wrong.

~~~

Luigi could practically feel Princess Peach’s narrowed eyes on the back of his head all the way out. Once in the hallway again, he took a few deep breaths of air to try and stop an onset of hyperventilation. This bluff was getting too out of control – but he had put too many cards into it to back out now. As he attempted to regain control of his nerves, there was a rustling in his pocket, and suddenly a familiar suitcase flipped out.

“Stuffwell! You’re ok!” Luigi cried happily. He had forgotten he wasn’t alone in this predicament, and the reminder did wonders for his mood.

“Indubitably! It takes more than a bit of toxic waste to ruin this leather. Though I must say, I am grateful for the magikoopa’s cleanliness spell extending to me as well… it would’ve taken awhile to get the smell out… ” The suitcase trailed off, coughing slightly as he refocused. “My apologies for not offering much support, but it seemed best not to interfere with your plan of action. What is that though, exactly?”

“As soon as I figure that out, you’ll be the first to know.” Luigi told him, pulling his dead communication piece out of his ear. “In the meantime, can you see about fixing this? I could really use a line to the professor.” He tossed the earpiece towards the suitcase, who snapped open to receive it, then shut again. Stuffwell’s face went blank as a variety of text and symbols scrolled across it in a diagnostic readout.

“It shouldn’t be too difficult to fix with my fabrication unit.” Stuffwell confirmed. “But it will take a bit of time.”

“Well while you get to work, I’ll see if I can find a way out of…”

At this moment, the door creaked next, opening. In less than a heartbeat, Stuffwell vanished into Luigi’s pocket and the green plumber turned inauspiciously to Kamek, exiting the throne room… with his own previous two guards and a cuffed Princess Peach in tow.

“So uh, what’s the plan?” Luigi asked, trying to smother his surprise, as the magikoopa joined him. He wasn’t sure if he had intended the question towards Kamek or Peach. The magikoopa gave him a long look, largely unreadable. The Princess was not meeting his eye.

“According to the latest reports, Mario has only just reached the end of level 2. The Koopalings guard level 3, and we have a… guest appearance… that should keep him busy for awhile on level 4. Based on his progress rate, he should not reach the throne room until tomorrow morning. Thus, Princess Peach is to be returned to her quarters for the evening.” The magikoopa nodded to the guards flanking him, who took charge of the Princess and began to move off down the hallway.

“Ah… ok. Makes sense.” Luigi watched them go, feeling a bit like he should be doing something. To be perfectly honest, he was a bit surprised the koopas maintained such a routine attitude despite the fact they were currently under attack. He had always liked to imagine they were panicking as much as he was during these times.

“If you are serious about your assistance with the alien threat, I believe we should have enough time to deal with our security issue presently.” Kamek said behind him.

“Right. I was thinking we could replace the fire suppression water supply with saline and-” Luigi turned to receive a face full of paralysis magic. Unable to scream in fear, or shock, or anything really, he tipped over slowly backwards, and fell to the ground rigidly. Above him, Kamek peered down with a curious expression.

“I’m not nearly as ill-advised as my Lord Commander would have you believe.” The magikoopa told him with a small _kee-hee_ of laughter. “I’m well aware of your participation in the Mario Party roster despite being a total stranger. No one subverts my magic without me noticing. And after our spat on Tuesday, I had a chat with that boo who seemed to recognize you. He had a few most interesting things to say about King Boo’s interest in you… Luigi.”

The magikoopa waved his wand again, summoning two more magikoopas nearby.

“Take him to the dungeon, and make sure to toss him in the heavily warded cell. We will see about extracting more information from him after our present crisis is over. If all else fails, he will make an excellent diplomatic gift to our guest.”


	9. Bowser's Castle, After Hours

Sensation returned slowly, to Luigi’s extremities first and then gradually the rest of him. As soon as he was able, he sat up. It swiftly became apparent this was a poor choice, as his ribs protested strongly and his head swam from the sudden movement after hours of horizontal motionlessness.

Luigi had been kidnapped, knocked unconscious, stranded, and/or even tortured his own fair share of times throughout his career as Mario’s backup, but being paralyzed was in a special class of suffering on its own. There was just nothing quite like being aware the entire time yet completely helpless as people talk about you like you’re not there, dump you on the floor unceremoniously, then leave you to be poked and prodded at by another stranger you couldn’t get a good look at but could guess the identity of by incoherent mumblings alone.

Maybe that was why Mario was always so unbelievably happy whenever he would rescue his brother from a painting… the green plumber thought idly as he stretched and massaged his sore neck.

“Finally awake, ay Palooka?” Came the patronizing voice from across the cell next to his, confirming his paralysis-induced speculation.

“I was awake the whole time, POPPLE, and I don’t appreciate you rifling through my pockets while I was paralyzed.” Luigi squinted in the dark of the dungeon in the direction the voice came from. There was only one torch on the wall and it really only served to cast long shadows in the dripping dark, but he could just make out the Beanish thief sitting across from him on the floor, head bent over. The self-proclaimed world’s greatest thief had crossed paths with the Mario brothers several times in the past… the way Luigi remembered it. He wasn’t the last person Luigi would’ve expected to meet in Bowser’s dungeon, but he also wasn’t the first. 

“Acquainted with the world-famous SHADOW THIEF, are you? Then you should be honored, your property was worth taking, see?!”

Luigi stood and moved over to the bars that separated their too cells to better face his dungeon-mate. He attempted to reach a gloved hand through the cell bars to no avail. Popple was sitting too far away from the edge their cells shared. In the dim light Luigi could barely see the thief wielding a lockpick and tension tool and was attempting to force the lock on what appeared to be a very small suitcase.

“Give that back, he’s not a toy!”

“After the effort I’m having to go through to open it, it’d better not be!”

Luigi watched in exasperated silence as Popple continue to struggle and eventually heard a *snap* followed by Beanish curses.

“Stuffwell, initiate perimeter defense.” The green plumber sighed after a moment, rolling his eyes. He had given the thief a fair chance. There was a flash of light that forced Luigi to shield his eyes, followed by an accompanying *ZAP* and subsequent shout of pain. The suitcase was flung against the cell wall, where Luigi managed to catch it somewhat awkwardly through the bars. As Luigi always wore his thunderhand gloves, which boasted an impressive 256,000 ohms of electrical resistance, the painful static defense of the suitcase barely registered as a twinge.

“That wasn’t funny, see?! Boo! Boo to you, I say!” Popple swore, angrily nursing a few new electrical burns.

“If you weren’t able to pick your way out of your cell, you weren’t going to be able to pick THAT lock, either.” Luigi pointed out, hoisting the miniaturized but still significantly heavy suitcase through the bars. 

“Stuffwell, you alright?”

Luigi set the suitcase down and tapped it with a finger. As the electric field simmered down, the suitcase tripled in size to its normal volume and righted himself, blinking a couple times.

“I am in a satisfactory working condition, though it is exceedingly uncomfortable having the broken end of a pick stuck up your…” The suitcase paused. “You know what? It is not important to our mission. I am glad to see you have recovered from your paralysis, Luigi.”

“Criminy! It’s alive!” Came Popple’s exclamation next door.

“I am uncertain if that adjective applies correctly to artificial intelligence, but I am capable of sentient thought and response, yes. I do not appreciate your attempts to violate my personal security.” Stuffwell corrected him, before turning back to Luigi. “Who is this blathering nicompooter?”

“I’m Popple, the World Famous Shadow Thief, see?! Filcher of the world’s riches! Liberator of tyrant’s treasures! You two numbskulls had best remember the name!” Popple puffed his chest out proudly.

“Wouldn’t it be counterproductive for a thief to be well known and remembered?” Stuffwell tilted himself, confused. Luigi shook his head at the suitcase as Popple began to bluster.

“Best not to encourage him. Can you open up for a second?”

Stuffwell nodded and flipped open. Luigi rifled around the luggage for a moment before locating the peanut butter jar he was looking for.

“I’ll have you knuckleheads know I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t brilliant and daring enough to attempt the greatest heist of all time on the greatest treasure vault known to mushroom or koopa!”

“Let me guess, Bowser caught you messing around his castle and tossed you in here. Epic heist.” Luigi supposed, unimpressed, as he unscrewed the cap of the peanut butter.

“Hmph. It’s not like your mug is in any better of a situation. You’re probably a second-class thief yourself, to end up here without having nabbed anything at all!” Popple gnashed in his direction. Luigi ignored the jibe in favor of dumping the gelatinous green contents of the peanut butter jar out on the dungeon floor.

“Hó̶̧̡̨͓͈h̸̛̗̦̤͛̂ỗ̶̥ͅ!” Gooigi sprang up from the floor and assumed his fully realized form. Luigi smiled at him, pausing only to wipe a bit of peanut butter from his clone’s shoulder.

“Hey buddy. Think you can help us out of this jam?” Luigi asked him politely gesturing to the cell door. Gooigi swiveled and marched through the bars with a thumbs up, and after a cursory glance at the locked door, squelched off down the hallway. Popple’s jaw dropped as he passed.

“Where’d you get that thing?!” The beanish thief whirled on his fellow prisoner. Luigi shrugged.

“Perk of being a good guy.” Luigi turned back to Stuffwell. “What’s the status on communications?” In response, Stuffwell extended a mechanical arm offering a familiar earpiece. Luigi accepted it with thanks, and stuffed it in his ear.

“Adjusting for architectural interference now…” Stuffwell said, gadgets whirring. Luigi winced slightly as the fixed earpiece feedbacked slightly in his ear. “Hm. We might want to proceed forth out of this dungeon to get a clear signal.”

There was a yelp (more like a squeak of fright) from down the hallway followed by another gurgling sound. Then Gooigi returned, key in hand, and unlocked Luigi’s cell door.

“Hey, hey, hey! What are you doing?! You’ve got talent, kid, and you’re wasting it on THIS guy?!! You could be the next Rookie!” Popple tried to intercept Gooigi’s attention. The gelatinous creation did turn an unseeing stare in his direction, only after freeing his human counterpart.

“Give it a rest, Popple.” Luigi smiled slyly. “I can give you 5 reasons why that pitch will never work, the most notable of which is…” Luigi went slack slightly, and Gooigi stiffened. 

“W̸̗̏͋̔̎͝e̸̳͊͐’ŗ̶̈́̏͋̈̃e t̸̔̋e̷l̶͚̓̇̏ep̶̛̘a̴͑ț̶͆h̷̛̛̒̋i̵̧̹͋̋c̴a̸̅̏̇̕͝l̵̯͇͑l̸̈́͌y̵̨̯̔̌͑ ļ̶͎̾̾̔̾̊ȋ̸̎̐n̵̄̐̓̽k̵̨̛̙̙̍̋̕̚ë̵̛d̷͔͛!” Luigi spoke through Gooigi’s mouth, finger gunning at the thief. Popple fell back to the floor of his own cell, shocked. Luigi returned his consciousness to his own form with a satisfied smile.

Gooigi was growing in his independent capability every day by leaps and bounds, but the gelatinous creature still seemed to welcome his… telepathic connection to Luigi whenever the green plumber reached out. Luigi had tried to explain it to Mario once but the best description he had come up with was ‘he doesn’t quite regard bodily autonomy the same way as you or I’. 

Not to be outdone, an affronted Mario had pointed out he too had been more than happy to let Luigi ride shotgun in his form when they battled together in the dreamworld. And allowed him precise control his nervous system with electricity via thunderhand… and a variety of other VERY trusting things.

It was the first time Luigi recalled noticing Mario being jealous of someone else getting close to his brother. It had made him oddly comforted at the time, though now by comparison…

“Master Luigi, we have already lost much time to the shenanigans of this castle’s denizens.” Stuffwell reminded him politely.

Luigi shook his distracting memories from his head and pulled his front pocket open slightly for Stuffwell to fold himself into. Gooigi, for his part, returned to the peanut butter jar, and Luigi screwed the lid on only a smidge, prepared to deploy his doppelganger at the slightest sign of trouble.

“Wait! You’re not going to leave me here!” Popple protested, hands grasping the bars of his cell. Luigi slowed to a stop considering him.

“Actually, that sounds like the best plan of action.” Stuffwell said pointedly in Luigi’s earpiece.

“I can’t just leave a guy to rot in Bowser’s dungeon…” Luigi replied unhappily, and took the key from where Gooigi had dropped it on the ground.

“That’s right! You can’t!” Popple encouraged him. “You’ll need my help to get past the big spooky palooka!” There was a click in the lock as the key fit and the grate swung open. Popple swaggered out as if he had freed himself.

“I think we’ll leave Mario to handle Bowser about as capably as he always does.” Luigi remarked, careful to step out of the way of the Beanish thief to avoid losing what little he had left in his pockets.

“Bowser who now? No, rookie, I was talking about the great honking Boo with the crown and the bad taste for art!”

Luigi froze. His blood had turned to ice

“King Boo?! King Boo is here?!” He grabbed Popple’s shoulder and whirled him around.

“That’s the schmuck! It’s all the guards have been talking about for days.” The Beanish thief looked down the hallway, fidgety. “I’ve heard he’s a wealthy guy though so it might just be worth our time to… hey where do you think you’re going!?” Popple demanded at Luigi, who was now fast disappearing down the hallway.

“Change of plans! You’re on your own, Popple, I have to find my brother!”

As the green plumber dashed down the hallway as fast as his legs would carry him, the Beanish thief watched him go, annoyed.

“Criminy… Buncha amateurs!”

~~~

Princess Peach couldn’t sleep.

Though it might make sense for someone with the status of ‘kidnapped’ to find themselves having a hard time getting some decent shut eye, this particular veteran kidnapee tended to be about as unphased by the concept of kidnapping as it was possible to be.

“But there are just too many things unusual about this time…” she mused, drawing her knees to her chest while sitting atop the fairly nice bed the koopas always had prepared for her.

Mario was in the castle, she knew, and on his way here. It would behoove her to wait for him, per usual. They had a system. It worked. 

But Bowser had employed the services of another monster king, a rogue element outside their impeccably familiar routine. And last time Mario had tangled with the undead King… last time…

Peach found she couldn’t remember what had happened last time.

There was just an uneasy feeling, no, a sense of dread at the thought of Mario engaging in battle with the terrifying sadistic ghost. The feeling that… he might… lose? She shuddered at the thought.

And then there was the newcomer in green. Luigi.

He was a wildcard Peach had never anticipated being dealt. She had almost laughed when the other her had explained the flatter Mario had a brother who was very much like him except in a few apparently critical ways. Two Marios?! Why would you ever need more than one?

But here he was, inexplicably. The man that did not exist in their universe, now walking around and getting himself into increasingly convoluted situations. His existence alone was troubling in that it suddenly seemed to give credibility to the dark power she had agreed to harbor in the vault beneath her castle. His first appearance likewise seemed all too convenient, coinciding with the book’s arrival.

And now he appears yet again, claiming to serve yet another dimension’s Bowser, before departing to go fight the man supposed to be his brother. Just the wrinkle what she needed.

The princess sighed, trying to clear her head of the worry that was descending on her like a fog. As she touched a hand to her cheek, she was mildly surprised to wipe away a tear, or two. Unusual, but as a person of great empathy, she had never shied away from feeling deeply for others. Especially her red-clad plumber, who always seemed to risk so much for so little in return.

“You know, it might just be time for me to start meeting Mario halfway in these rescue attempts.” Peach suggested to the empty room, swinging her legs over the side of the bed, restless.

She glanced around the dim room. There wasn’t much available to her, but she idly considered the possibility of wielding her bedside lamp in an attempt to overpower the two Koopatrol guards that always stood watch outside her door.

In the midst of her empowerment fantasy however, she was startled from her thoughts by a strange sound outside her room. It sounded curiously similar to the previously imagined sound of her two guards being knocked out.

Peach got to her feet swiftly, heart pounding. After a second thought, she grabbed the lamp from the bedside table and readied it. There was a shuffling sound, followed by the sound of a key being inserted into the lock. Then the door swung inward to reveal an all too unfamiliar face.

“Wait, don’t swing!” Luigi cried, eyes widening as he spotted the bright lamp held aloft like a baseball bat.

“What are you doing here?” Peach was as surprised by his appearance as he seemed to be.

“Can I, uh, come in?” Luigi asked, eyeing the lamp nervously. Peach considered him for a second, then stepped aside to allow him entry. He moved past her and shut the door swiftly behind himself. Then he turned to face her.

“Listen I know you don’t know who I am and you have no reason to trust me after what you saw in the throne room but…” He began nervously. “I can explain all that later. Right now, I need your help to help Mario, and I’m afraid we don’t have much time.”

“I’m listening.” Peach eyed him warily, but indicated he should continue. Luigi looked relieved, then proceeded to do the last thing the princess expected: he began to unbutton his overalls.

“King Boo is here, in this castle.” The man in green explained, though the revelation seemed hardly relevant to his current actions. “But trying to fight him without the right equipment is suicide. Mario will never beat him on his own.”

“Actually, I don’t think he’s alone this time…” Peach began politely, though a larger part of her was begging to voice the question ‘What the heck are you doing?’

“Well, unless his ‘help’ is packing a quantum vacuum cleaner, they’re still not going to be much support.” Luigi shook his head in response, as he pulled his overalls off, getting them stuck slightly on his boots. As he nearly tripped and fell, Peach looked away.

“To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure Bowser has any vacuum cleaners at all in this castle. And um, what exactly ARE you doing?” Peach frowned at the wall.

“I can fight King Boo for him, but it will require me to remain absolutely still, and uh, vulnerable in the meantime.” Luigi voice became muffled slightly, as he pulled his shirt off. “So, it occurred to me that you and I might be able to swap places. I’ll sit in the cage and pretend to be you, and in the meantime, you’ll be free to escape in disguise. King Boo has trouble telling living mortals apart, you see, and mostly relies on their clothes…”

Despite her desperate need to preserve the strange man’s dignity, Peach couldn’t help but glance in his direction. Her peek rewarded her with the unforgettable sight of an equally embarrassed Luigi in boxers, an under t-shirt, and candy-caned striped socks. The aforementioned footwear almost matched his bright red face that bore an uncertain but hopeful look as he held out his green shirt and overalls for her to take. 

“Well, it’s certainly an unorthodox rescue…” Peach alleged, thoughtfully, as she took the green shirt from him. It was surprisingly clean, despite having just come off another person. After considering it further, she eventually took the overalls as well. As she took the articles of clothing, she noticed the strange man retained a leather box in his other hand.

“Believe me Princess, I wouldn’t have come up with this idea if Mario… er, my Mario, I suppose… hadn’t made me do something similar in the past.” Luigi assured her, with an awkward grin, before moving off to face the door to allow her some privacy.

“Your Mario?” Peach queried, as she began to unzip her own dress. “I remember, you did mention earlier that you were from another dimension.”

“Yeah that was mostly a bluff for Bowser’s sake.” Luigi acknowledged over his shoulder. “I’m… not exactly sure how I ended up this situation, but I’m pretty sure a difference in dimensions has something to do with it. It’s… a little weird suddenly being in a world where I don’t exist.”

“I can only imagine.” Peach agreed, as she pulled his shirt over her head. It smelled like Mario, but different.

“Speaking of, Princess, there’s something I meant to ask you before all this happened…” The other man began.

“I do have one lead on my situation that I’m following, that you might be able to help me with… do you know anything about the thing you’ve got in the Dark Star’s vault?”

Peach felt as if the entirety of her being had been plunged into very deep water.

Fortunately, unlike her plumber companion, the Princess was a master of controlling her temperament in critical situations. After the briefest of pauses, she had her roller coaster of thoughts under tight control.

“I’m not sure what you mean. Other than the Dark Star?” Peach lied like a professional, completely calm. She finished buttoning the overalls and reached into the pocket, fingering the key to her chambers that was still there.

“Hm, yeah, I think it should be something other than the dark star…” Luigi suddenly sounded unsure, as if he had expected her to give him a different answer. “Do you… think you could let me down there to take a look?”

“Once we get out of this immediate predicament, we’ll see.” Peach told him, as she tapped him on the shoulder. He turned, and she gestured to where she had laid her dress out on the bed.

“Thanks.” Luigi nodded and moved past her. “Oh, and you’ll need this. Honestly, I’d trust you more than Mario with it any day.” He swept his hat off his head and offered it to her. She took it, unexpectedly under the sudden impression she was holding a treasure. Luigi, for his part, continued on to the daunting task of getting into her dress.

Peach’s emotions swirled in a mixture of deep unease and guilt at what she was about to do. But now was her best moment to seize.

Luigi set Stuffwell on the bed and allowed him to grow to normal size. He then opened the suitcase up and began rummaging around, before eventually producing a familiar-looking blonde wig.

“Before I forget, Princess, I’m afraid you’ll need to handle something for me too. You see, the actual reason I’m here is to deal with the Shroobs that-”

There was a loud click from the door as it was shut, and another as the lock engaged, causing Luigi to turn and find himself facing an empty room.

“Princess?” Luigi asked, his voice suddenly becoming very timid and uncertain. He was met with the sound of heeled footsteps rapidly retreating from the door.

“It would seem we have been duped yet again.” Stuffwell noted, unnecessarily. “What is it about nobody taking the Shroob threat seriously?”

~~~

“I’m just saying… pogo sticks. You would still be harnessing your jump-man shtick, but additionally in a fresh, unexpected, AND fun way!” Daisy proposed as they crossed through yet another dim, carpeted hallway.

“Wouldn’t pogo sticks be even more effort than just traditional jumping?” Starlow asked her.

“Well yeah, but you have to use a different set of muscles to maintain balance. They really work your core, which Mr. Meatball here might benefit from.” She pointed at Mario, who redirected her accusatory finger away as he pulled a face. 

Mario’s voice had gone from bad to worse as they had progressed through the castle. Now it was almost completely gone, which made Daisy more uneasy than she’d like to admit. If anything, her endless stream of humorous suggestions and commentary was now just her searching for anything to deflect from her growing apprehension.

“And” Daisy continued, since no one was able to or inclined to stop her, “ we can use them as weapons to smack the enemies we can’t jump on. It’s foolproof…” the Sarasaland princess trailed off at the end of her tirade upon hearing her voice echoing across the hall. This section of the castle seemed larger, emptier, and decidedly more menacing than any they had come across before. And that included the gravity trampoline maze that Bowser's minions seemed to avoid like the plague.

They came a huge set of red-stained studded wooden double doors, which Mario eyed critically, before turning back to his party. Starlow nodded briefly at his knowing look, and also turned to the expectant princess.

“Well this is it.” The star sprite said, unhelpfully, before clarifying. “Bowser’s throne room.”

“Wow, really? Already?” Daisy was actually quite surprised, and suddenly overwhelmed with the anticipation. Unable to hold back, at last she voiced the concern that had been bugging her for the last couple of hours. “I’m sorry, but if we’re here already, where was this plot that’s giving Mario such a bad case of protag laryncrisis!?”

Starlow frowned, likewise troubled by Daisy’s point, and looked to Mario. The plumber shrugged, and jumped up to the large iron wrought door knocker. They were easily 2 meters off the ground, and about the size of the hero himself. Mario had to brace his feet inside the ring and swing the knocker with his own momentum, like a child’s swing on a playground. As the door knocker clashed against the door with a terrific sound, the echo resounded all around the empty hallway, making Daisy wonder if they should expect reinforcements to attend the horrendous noise. But eventually the reverberating noise subsided and Mario leapt down again. Both doors then creaked inward on their own.

They peeked around the entrance into the extravagant crimson carpeted throne room, but were met with a vast darkness that put a swift end to their attempt to preview whatever awaited them. So, it was without further ado, that Mario gave a soft “Let’s-a-go!” to his team, and marched through the door at a brisk pace just shy of a jog.

“Whatever happened to ‘Ladies First’?” Daisy murmured as she matched his pace, though the heart had gone out of her banter in the face of the disquieting environment.

For a brief moment as they traipsed the hall, the only light they had was the small golden glow which Starlow gave off. However, as the door suddenly shut firmly behind them of its own accord, torches lining the room began to light themselves with an eerie violet flame. They did not give off much light, but they did reveal the walls they hung on in greater detail.

“Are those… empty paintings?” Daisy voiced the question they were all thinking.

“So, he’s redecorated in here as well. I’m even less of a fan of this.” Starlow reiterated.

Daisy was so busy looking around them at the 20 something empty frames that hung on the walls around them that she nearly ran into Mario from behind as he had stopped abruptly. As the Sarasaland Princess regained her balance, she looked first at her companion, and then at where he was glaring.

In front of them, seated on an enormous golden throne complete with red velvet cushions, was Bowser himself. 

“Mario. You finally made it. It’s been some time…” The Koopa King was grinning maliciously in their direction while lounging unconcerned on his very comfortable looking seat of power.

“We’re not interested in pleasantries; you know why we’re here. Where is Princess Peach?” Starlow demanded. After her comment, Bowser seemed to notice Mario had companions for the first time. Two glowing eyes shifted first to the Star Sprite, then met Daisy’s own hard gaze.

“You brought friends? How nice.” A tongue darted out of his mouth and licked a tooth idly. “I have the strangest feeling that they won’t quite be up to the task of replacing your _particular_ companion though…”

“Cut the bullshit, Bowser. Give us our friend back, or let’s get on with it already.” Daisy pulled out her golf club and tapped it to her other hand.

“We all know how this fight ends Bowser.” Starlow moved forward slightly, with an intimidating look. “You’ve never beaten Mario before, and you certainly won’t now that he has backup.”

Bowser considered her for a moment, then waved a hand almost casually. Before Daisy knew what was happening, Mario cried “watch out!” and pulled her to the side. With a rushing _whoosh_ and a loud clash as the ornate wooden frame collided with the floor, one of the many empty paintings on the wall slammed itself down on top of Starlow. As it rose slowly and turned, a horrified Mario and Daisy observed the spitting image of their star sprite friend frozen within the painting with a very surprised expression on her features.

“On the contrary…” ‘Bowser’ said, eyes glittering purple, as a truly malevolent leer crept across his face. “I’ve never lost to Mario before, and I don’t intend to start now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Criminy... buncha amateurs" indeed. :)
> 
> Sorry for the double notification bookmarkers. AO3 was refusing to update the "Date Updated" so I had to repost.


	10. Boo vs. Goo

“You know, when you said, ‘light platforming’, I thought there would be more actual platforms and less running for our lives.”

Mario ducked the rim of a painting, narrowly escaping a fate in oils as he glanced towards the Sarasaland princess with the very valid point. Daisy was keeping pace with Mario, but the two of them had grazed more than one close call already. While the first few empty paintings they avoided had smashed to bits on the thinly carpeted stone floor, giving them hope Bowser would eventually run out of portraits – within moments the frames had risen off the floor again and put themselves back together piece by piece, restored to their former glory.

“You won’t be able to run forever.” Bowser cackled. While the Koopa King laughing at Mario’s antics was nothing unusual, this particular laugh didn’t suit him at all, and made the plumber’s skin crawl.

“He’s right, you know.” Daisy echoed the sentiment in his right ear. “We can’t keep this up. We need to go on the offensive and start making a dent in that thick head of his.”

Mario glanced around at the swooping paintings, mind turning. The only thing he had noticed so far was that they tended to tremble slightly before they made their move, which gave them a fraction of an advantage in determining which way to dodge. It didn’t help much for managing the sheer numbers though. Then again…

Mario made a hand signal to Daisy.

“What? I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean… you want me to… watch you?” Daisy guessed wildly at his small attempt at charades. Mario nodded furiously, before dodging another frame that smashed down where he had been moments before.

This time, instead of continuing forward to dodge the next painting, Mario returned to where he had been standing and hoisted the two largest pieces of the cracked frame that had missed him. As another painting closed in, Mario swung the pieces upward and into the waiting frame’s contained vortex resulting in… a painting of an empty painting.

“Ah! That’s brilliant! I should’ve thought of that!” Daisy cheered, and quickly set to work retrieving the latest shattered frame near her.

Across the throne room, Bowser was not as pleased.

Mario jumped, startled, as the Koopa King landed just behind him, having made a terrific leap from his throne.

“You want something done right…” Bowser snarled unpleasantly, before holding a hand out and down. A large, decidedly nasty looking explosive mine appeared in it, and another in his other hand; before Mario could react to this development properly, both projectiles were launched in his direction. Only a dangerously close backflip allowed him to clear the top edge of the waiting painting behind him, that instead received the explosive on cue.

The bombs were their ticket, Mario decided on pretty much the only option available to them. Now to figure out how to redirect them back at the koopa king…

“FORE!!!” Daisy yelled from across the hall, before using her golf club to swing another beeping mine back in his direction. The explosive arced impressively back towards the Koopa King. Unfortunately yelling a warning is not the best strategy for landing hits on your enemy, and an irritated Bowser quickly raised the painting nearest to him to block it. 

Lucky then, that the closest painting he chose to defend himself with already had a bomb captured inside it.

The spectacular explosion caught Mario off guard just as much as Bowser, but the plumber was merely singed and thrown back a good distance, instead of engulfed in a small fireball that consumed the koopa king.

Mario blinked twice at the ceiling, before hands found his arm and a concerned face breeched his vision.

“-you okay? ---- sorry, but---- shot --s amazing!” Daisy’s voice came in faintly through the ringing in Mario’s ears as she helped him get back to his feet. Mario gave her a faint thumbs up before turning back to the remains of the explosion, with an expectant frown.

But whatever he had been expecting wasn’t there. As the smoke cleared Mario was greeted with the one sight he realized he had never been prepared to see.

Bowser’s body. Without a head.

The decapitated corpse of the Koopa King sank to one knee first, before crashing to the ground entirely as a shocked princess and plumber looked on.

“Wow.” Daisy breathed. “You really should’ve brought me along earlier, huh?”

Even if his voice had been available to him, Mario wasn’t sure he would’ve found words to say. His longtime… enemy? … tangibly dead in front of him. What would this mean for the Mushroom Kingdom? For the Koopa Kingdom? 

The red plumber was saved having to think about the legal guardian complications regarding Bowser Jr. when he realized abruptly the paintings were still floating around them.

He turned just in time to see one capture an unsuspecting Daisy.

“NO!!” Mario did find his voice to cry out his distraught. The painting rose slowly, revealing a rather lovely depiction of Daisy, smiling with one eyebrow quirked, completely oblivious to her fate.

A laugh that was both deep and shrill at the same time pealed through the throne room, and Mario at last found himself face to face with the true threat.

“So gullible as usual, Mario.” King Boo tsked. The spectral king’s voice was patronizing, but it was also clear he was delighted at the outcome of the recent events between them. “It’s such a shame you’ve never learned your lesson to avoid putting others in harm’s way…”

Mario glared at him furiously, but King Boo matched the stare with his own gleaming purple eyes, entirely unphased.

“You want to know where’s the real Bowser? Oh, don’t worry, he’s far safer than you’re about to be. You and I have some unsettled business… and I think at last there’s no one left to pull you out of the fire.” King Boo waved an arm and the portrait of Daisy came to him instantly, floating gently as he surveyed it casually. “Hm. Another princess. Maybe if the Koopa King doesn’t want this one, I’ll keep her for myself. Then again, I’m not sure how much the art is worth without the complete SET.”

Despite the fact he had no fingers, the sound of snapping could be heard as King Boo gestured with his arm again. Suddenly, with a metallic clang, a cage appeared next to Bowser’s throne on the far side. Inside a figure in a pink dress whirled around, clearly surprised. In the dim violet light from this distance, Mario could just make out Princess Peach’s frightened expression, her face mostly covered by her gloved hands clasped over her mouth in concern.

“You see Mario, the person I would really love to watch your demise on camera is… unavailable. So, your beloved Princess will have to do for now.” King Boo glanced in her direction, and Mario saw Peach shudder in terror. But King Boo merely waved for Daisy’s painting to join Peach’s cage on the sidelines, before turning back to the plumber. “Perhaps her screams of terror will be a sufficient replacement… though I doubt it. Ready to get started?”

Before the final word had left his mouth, the giant boo vanished with a toothy smile, leaving Mario to glance around wildly for some sign of the phantom’s location. The plumber’s eyes alighted on Princess Peach who appeared to be slumped over in her cage. Had she fainted? Mario felt anger course through him and he briefly wondered if he would have time to free her and…

Mario paid for his distraction as a ghostly tongue struck him from behind with tremendous force, sending him careening to the floor.

~~~

For the second time today, Luigi was paralyzed. At least this time, however, it was by his own shock and fear at suddenly being transported from Princess Peach’s relatively nice quarters to being helpless in a cage in the same room as King Boo.

“Luigi! Please come in! Where are you?” Stuffwell’s voice crackled in his ear. “You vanished right in front of me, though I am detecting spectral traces…”

The suitcase’s words, if nothing else, did the trick to snap Luigi out of his state of shock. This had been the plan, after all, albeit not quite so sudden and unexpected of an execution.

“Can it, Stuffwell, I’m still here!” Luigi hissed through his gloved hands, desperately attempting to conceal his mustache as Mario squinted in his direction. “King Boo jumped the gun and must have summoned me from the room thinking I was the Princess. He’s facing off against Mario now.” Eyes hurriedly taking in the rest of the room, Luigi spotted a painting on its side nearby behind the throne. Unhappily, he could just make out the familiar form of a Star Sprite, causing the green, er, pink-clad plumber to swallow hard. “Mario’s team is… not doing too well.”

“That doesn’t sound good at all.” Stuffwell commented, gratuitously, as Luigi looked on at the horrible spectacle of his brother about to be beaten badly by his own archenemy. “Do you think now would be a good time to make with your saviorizing?”

Luigi held his breath as King Boo himself turned towards him. But the boo merely waved another painting in his direction, before turning back to Mario.

“Stuffwell, I need to you to let Gooigi out. I’ll telepathically run him up here myself.” Luigi said hurriedly over the comm as he watched Mario get smacked in the head. That was going to leave a mark.

“’Down to you’, actually, if I’m reading the locative trace on this signal correctly. Are you sure you’ll be able to stretch your connection over that distance?” The suitcase asked, concerned. 

“We’re out of options.” Luigi replied grimly, and braced himself against the wall of the cage with his back to the commotion, in an attempt to prevent his soon-to-be unconscious face from being noticed.

Just as he began to reach out, Luigi noticed the painting King Boo had sent to join him had come to a stop and leaned itself against the wall he was now facing. Tears sprang to his eyes along with a horrible wrenching feeling in his gut at the unexpected sight of Daisy’s bright face smiling back at him as he slipped into unconsciousness.

~~~

King Boo was toying with him, and enjoying it. Mario knew it. King Boo knew it. Princess Peach probably knew it too, before she had opted for unconsciousness over the horrible spectacle on display. There was just only so much you could do against an invulnerable, teleporting enemy who could warp reality at will and become invisible when he pleased. The plumber was outmatched, and despite his considerable amount of dodging and combing his surroundings for an environmental edge he could use against the boo, he was coming up empty handed.

“As satisfying as it is to watch you totter about on your little legs,” King Boo materialized near his left ear, causing Mario to reflexively jump just in time to dodge a pulse of dark, chaotically purple lightning. “I know from experience it will be far more satisfying to watch you writhe inside a frame. Surely by now you realize your efforts are in vain.”

Mario glared at him breathing heavily.

“Come now. If you give in to your fate in oils, I might even allow you a brief respite before I begin your eternity of torture. I can be… generous.” The Boo licked his teeth.

The red plumber paused to consider, and the boo’s expression brightened with anticipation as he surged forward. But Mario had intentionally provoked the attack, and instead made swipe at the boo’s enormous glowing gemmed crown – presumably the source of his power. His outstretched fingers passed directly through it as the ghost became incorporeal.

King Boo laughed, delighted at plumber who landed just in front of him again, empty handed and panting.

“Admirably tenacious, but so ill-equipped.” The specter menaced. “You have no concept of the paranormal nightmare you’ve gotten yourself into, plumber… but who can blame you?” He paused, idling for dramatic effect.

“Even I am forced to attribute this ridiculously easy victory to my inexplicable good fortune that delivered you to me so defenseless without your…”

The ghost’s tirade was punctuated abruptly by a large splattering of green… goo… directly in between them. Both boo and plumber looked up to see some of the substance still dripping from the cracks in the stone ceiling of the throne room. As they looked back down to the larger mess on the floor, both were startled to notice an arm wielding what appeared to be a flashlight had formed, the strobe bulb of which was now fully charged.

 _FWSHHHK_!

The bright burst of the light temporarily blinded Mario, but did far worse for his ghostly opponent who screamed in pain and rage. As Mario rubbed his eyes and slowly regained his vision, albeit with dancing lights still imprinted on his retinas, he was treated to the sight of a fully formed man made of goo. What was even more notable was he had both the appearance of goo overalls, and a complicated looking machine on his back… also made of goo.

“YOU!!!!” The Boo roared, and lunged towards the gooey abomination, who simply collapsed into an untouchable puddle, and slimed across the floor in another direction. The Boo rounded on Mario.

“WHERE IS HE?! I KNOW HE’S HERE IF THAT THING IS!!!” And the specter continued to whirl about, looking around enraged. The purple torches on the wall flared brighter revealing the throne room more clearly – but it was empty save for the ghost, the plumber, a not inconsequential amount of debris from the fight, and of course Princess Peach within her cage.

Mario obviously had no idea to whom the ghost was referring. But the man himself, Luigi, skillfully piloted Gooigi across the room before reforming near a portrait lying face down. As he flipped it over, he was disappointed to see it wasn’t one of King Boo’s hostages. But he produced a Gooigi’s darklight anyway, and began to pull the picture’s contained spiky explosive back into reality. It didn’t take long for King Boo to notice what he was doing and vanish – but Gooigi simply turned in a 360 with the rainbow flashlight, and the ghost king was revealed, stunned, and slammed in the crown with the explosive all in quick succession. The boo reeled before collapsing on the ground, dazed, as small spectral crescent moons circled his enormous head.

“M̷̙͚̳͒̒̌͑͠a̶̔͊̚̕r̷̳͘ĩ̸̽̐ṏ̷́… g̵͆̒̈́͒o̷ !” Luigi called through Gooigi’s gurgling voice, glancing back at his brother, before producing the nozzle of a vacuum on his device and latching onto the enormous ghost’s tongue. The machine whirred with effort, but King Boo was quickly shaken from his daze and immediately began resisting violently. Without another body to help, Gooigi’s smaller form lost the tug of war and was thrown off towards a wall where his structurally unsound body collapsed on impact.

As Gooigi dripped to the floor and slowly began to reform, Luigi spotted Mario running… the wrong way. Towards Princess Peach, who was of course, not actually Princess Peach at all. Panicking, Luigi fired a plunger shot at Mario, and succeeded in tagging the other plumber on the leg. As Gooigi reeled the suction shot in on its rope, Mario cried out in surprise and fell as his leg was pulled from under him and he was dragged backwards.

Predictably, King Boo opted seize this opportunity to attack. And unfortunately, Luigi/Gooigi was forced to reflexively slam the heavy object already at the end of the suction shot directly onto the boo.

Mario’s skull collided with King Boo’s crown with a sickening crack, and once again both boo and plumber were dazed. It took a few horrified seconds for Luigi to recover from the mortification at his own actions, but soon he had Gooigi opt for a less offensive route this time, grabbing Mario by the arms and dragging him to the door.

As he regained his wits, Mario immediately began struggling to regain his agency.

“Ŷ̶o̸̫̭̖͗̿̎̄ȕ̵̪͇͔͒ h̷̺̲̒͆av̵̪̣͊̑̌ē̸͖̟͆̈́͝ t̸̫͗̔͘o̶̳̓ g̵̃̑̔e̴̲͌̊̕t̸͙͂̿ ̶o̵̘̩͐͐̒u̸͇̺̬̿̓͑t̴͚̬̟͂ ̷̀̈o̶̝͉͙̙͊̇f̶̨̘̼̐͝ ̴͑h̷̪̼̩͊͒͘͠ȅ̸̮̯͕̪re̸̳̲̗̱̅̑͑̅͝!”

“…the princesses!” Mario blustered, attempting to shake off the grasp of his would-be helper and regain his own footing. With a start, Luigi was reminded by his brother’s words of the actual princess still in the room, and in his brief slack Mario slipped from his grip and charged back towards Bowser’s throne, where both Daisy’s portrait and the unconscious ‘Princess Peach’ were.

The red plumber made it about 7 steps before his body was enveloped in a purple glow and he was lifted off the ground. Though nothing could be seen, it was clear whatever invisible restraints that held him aloft were also constricting him mercilessly, as Mario’s arms were snapped tightly to his sides, and his face took on a wincing pained expression.

“Enough… games.” King Boo breathed, a murderous look in his eyes. “Where is your brother?”

Mario paused in his struggle just long enough to look confused at the boo’s question. However, he was saved having to contemplate the answer by the timely occurrence of Bowser’s Castle promptly exploding.

It started off as a rumbling sort of shaking, before suddenly the entire room was filled with a pulsating unearthly white-green light that spilt through the cracks in the stone wall. A shrill droning whine filled the air and both Gooigi and the debris scattered around the room rose slightly off the ground as gravity appeared to stop working conventionally. The shaking walls began to spread apart further and further until the occupants of the room could see through the increasingly large gaps in the stone bricks that previously made up the throne room.

Bowser’s castle had seen better days. It had exploded – that much was obvious – but the explosion appeared to be taking place in slow motion, as all the individual rooms and even bricks spread themselves further and further apart, floating in a swirling abyss. The mint green glow that bathed the scene in an extraterrestrial light was coming from a colossal pillar of light in just about the center of Bowser’s rapidly deconstructing Castle. It reached towards the heavens, where against the star blotted inky night sky, Luigi could just make out a rather large, unhappily identifiable flying object.

“ _Cazzo._ ” “ _C̴͎̓͑a̷̋̋͋z̵̕z̷͙̟͋o̷_.” Both plumbers said simultaneously.

Their synchronization seemed to jolt King Boo out of a similarly engrossed state. The boo turned back to the pair of them and made a disgusted noise.

“This is what I get for working on a collaborative project with an idiot.” He hissed angrily to no one in particular, before addressing the two plumbers directly. “Don’t think we’re done here.” Flashing one last sneer, he vanished entirely.

As the boo disappeared, a wave of energy pulsing out from the pillar of light rippled through the fortress, eventually reaching the room they were in. Gravity was briefly restored at twice its usual strength, slamming an unsuspecting Mario into the ground. Gooigi in turn regained his footing with just barely more grace, due in part to the fact he had no bones to be jarred on impact.

Over the drone piercing the air, Luigi heard first, and then looked up to see smaller more numerous flying saucers scream by overhead. There was also the not-so-distant the sound of conventional cannon fire that told him what remained of Bowser’s forces had begun to engage the aliens. 

Now was an excellent time to vacate the premises.

The gooey green plumber turned to find Mario struggling to get to his feet. The red plumber was clutching his side and… limping. The hero briefly made eye contact with Gooigi. There was pain in his eyes, but Mario gestured urgently nonetheless to the throne.

“R̸͓̺̐̋͗ǐ̵̪̜͔̤̘̏̽̕g̷̨͉̮̯̒̕͠h̵t̶̰̅̚.̵͇̝̓ T̵̨͚̹̓̇̚͠͝h̸e̷̩͐͒̕͠ ̴̘̈̆͜p̵͖͛͐̏̎͆r̶̡̝̟̂̃͌̒̕ì̶̊̆n̸̤͖̽̒̂͘ce̸̒̓̋̔̅s̶̛̈́̎͝s̷̓̊̄̒́.” Luigi nodded Gooigi’s head, though he doubted Mario could hear or understand him over the droning alien sounds. Breaking into a wobbling run, as gravity continued to fluctuate, he dashed as best he could over to the throne and located Daisy’s portrait.

“Hô̶̺̓̆͛̇͜p̴̄̇e̶̒͝ y̸͌͆͘͝ỏ̷̑͘ù̷̠̒̏͛̇ c̶͒a̶̽͝ṅ̸̈́'t̶̃ f̸͗e̶͒̕e̸l̵̛͉͌̒́̉ t̶̝̥̑h̴̒̎͆i̴s̸͐͂…” He apologized hastily to her smiling visage, before breaking the picture frame against the nearby throne and pulling the canvas out, rolling it up as he went. Luigi then turned Gooigi back around to let his own body out of the nearby cage… to find said cage teetering right off the edge of what remained of the collapsing floor.

“PRINCESS!!” Mario cried in despair from across the room.

“N̸̩̰͈̥̄̒̄̉́ͅő̸̱̉̄͌ ̷͖̦͌̍̾̅ṇ̸̝̦̝̇̈́͠o̵̭̰̙͕̰̍̎̍́́ ̵̻̉̈́̈Ň̶̛̻̤̜͕̿o̶̞͙͋̾ ̵͖͌͒̈́͂N̷͍͇̦͙̳̉͗͌̚O̶̫̪͙͊ ̸̞̜̣̓N̵̰̭̼̈͗̎O̶̻̼̜̯͐̑̈́͘!̴̺͇̺̮͝ͅ!̸̛̤̪͎̪̉͗̅͐” Gooigi dove for the chain connected to the end of the cage as it whipped across the floor following its attached load. His hands clasped it… and did nothing to halt its progress as the heavy chain cut right through Gooigi’s gelatinous appendages effortlessly. Gravity may not have been working conventionally, but whatever the Shroobs were doing seemed to be creating a whirlpool of the traditional laws of physics. Luigi watched in horror as the cage with himself in it was dragged further and further into the abyssal gravity well until…

CLANG!! The cage was stopped abruptly, straining against its chain.

Despite his injuries, Mario had made it across the room in time to grab the end of the chain. He braced himself on the edge, laboring with effort. Shocked only briefly, Luigi/Gooigi, scrambled back to his feet and grabbed a portion of the shackles to assist.

“PEACH!!” Mario called to the cage once more, an unfamiliar desperation in his voice.

Tongue tied equally by surprise and relief, Luigi had no idea how to even begin explaining the situation… until another voice interrupted them.

“Mario!” Came a familiar voice, in the complete opposite direction.

The two plumbers glanced back towards the fragmented room. At the doorway was none other than Princess Peach – the real Princess Peach – dressed in Luigi’s overalls. To say Mario did a double take would be underselling his astonishment.

“Mario, I’m fine! But we need to go- NOW!” Peach yelled again, waving for him to join her.

Mario glanced to Gooigi, confusion and… fear, Luigi realized, written across his face. Fear of an impending loss he didn’t understand, and never would. But Luigi also knew what his brother was going to do, before Mario did himself. 

So, Luigi let go of his side of the chain. 

The sudden effectual increase in weight was unexpected for Mario, and the chain ripped itself out of his gloves and vanished off the edge after the cage it was connected to. Dismayed, Mario stared briefly as it went, before turning to the gooey creature next to him to demand retribution… answers… anything. Instead he found Gooigi tilting his head, silently offering him Daisy’s rolled portrait. As Mario took it, the creature before him shuddered and collapsed into a sticky puddle, some of which began draining off the edge itself.

“Mario! Let’s go!” Peach’s voice called him, taking on an edge of desperation herself as the room began to collapse further.

With one final look into the swirling vortex that used to be Bowser’s Castle, the red plumber firmly grasped the rolled picture containing his friend and hurriedly limped towards the exit and his princess.

He was quite sure they couldn’t call this ‘rescue’ a victory at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone is excited for Origami King! :)


End file.
